Bliss

Last night I got to see Paul Simon in concert. My boyfriend (I'm still a little, "wait, I have a boyfriend?") got the tickets for my Christmas present. We had an amazing dinner before the show at a steak house. One of the best meals I've ever had. The concert was amazing. It was one of the best days I've ever had - and I felt like sharing. :-)

Life is good.

"Mmmbop"

All I can hear is "In an Mmmbop they're gone."

On September 14th my best CF friend Lauren passed away.  And I still can't really talk about it.  I went to her grave both Saturday and Sunday and all I want to do is cry because I miss her so much, but I know she would want me to stay strong and keep on. 

I wrote down some words today while watching TV - words that remind me of Lauren and how I feel about her death. 

Empty - it's how I feel
Laughter - it's what I hear when I think of her
Brewers Games - she loved them so much
Perkins - one of my favorite memories
65 Roses - we both have it
Fundraising Queen - she had me beat
Bloated Bellies - and that amazing picture of Laura, Lauren and Erin
Birthdays - she never forgot one.  
Tears - I've shed so many

Lucky Ladybugs - we'll be forever
Love - it's what she was all about

Giving it a Go

I don't remember how to do this - the blogging thing.  I used to write almost every day and sometimes more than once a day.  I used to sit in front of my computer all day watching TV and playing Minesweeper.  When I had a thought worth saying out loud, I would blog it.  I don't remember how to do that. 

I want to write about VX-770 finishing phase 3 clinical trials and VX-809 not being far behind.  I wrote a post about my future when these drugs first looked promising.  I was thinking about all the possible things I could do - finish college, have a career, have a family.  I haven't thought much about any of that since because I didn't want to hang all my hopes on one drug.  I didn't want to be disapointed when the trials went poorly and the drugs never became a reality.  But now they are a reality.

Back in 2008 I wrote:

"and omg this could happen before Darin graduates college!"

That wasn't a terrible guess as to when the drugs would come out - my brother graduated college this past spring.

These drugs are here and my dreams are back.  I don't know what to dream about yet, except a family.  I know that's what I really want in life.  I want a family and to finish my book.  If I would just sit down and write more the 2nd one would come easily.

I think I need to re-learn how to dream big.