Learning To Live

Yesterday I was on my way home from clinic in Milwaukee.  I was feeling sad about my lung functions and something that happened to me on Thursday.  Thursday I went to get my blood drawn, and at the lab there was a woman who looked so much like my friend Lauren it was scary.  Except for the fact that she was pregnant (and Lauren and I used to compare our distended abdomens to see who looked more pregnant), I could have sworn it was Lauren.  I almost said something to the woman, except Lauren passed away in 2011 and "Hey! You look exactly like my friend, but she's dead." is not the most tactful thing to say in public. I was sure that seeing Lauren in that woman was a sign - a sign my lung functions would be up and I would be back where I want to be.  But that didn't happen, and I was sad.  I was sad for myself and sad because I miss Lauren.  I was frustrated that she hadn't come through for me and given me the boost I thought I needed. And then my iPo...

Recently things have been hard; it's been hard to get off my butt and do anything.  It's hard to not think about my mother or the friendship that got screwed up.  In hard times like these I try to turn to my angels and let them bring me what I need.  This post is going to be quote heavy, but it's how I feel and expresses best my emotions.  I try to live knowing, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you might just find, you get what you need." - The Rolling Stones.  The 2nd half of that quote was my senior quote for the yearbook in high school - because I couldn't fit the whole thing.  I honestly believe "If you try sometime, you might just find you get what you need."  Wednesday was probably my worst day.  I couldn't stop crying at work.  I came home early to go directly to sleep.  It was "Go straight to NAP. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200."  I couldn't handle the world anymore.  And then my pho...