Learning To Live

I am redoing my book. Revamping, reorganizing, rewriting. Ugh. The book that I had almost completed? The book that I was so close to finishing? Yes, that book. I got stuck. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to finish. So I sat around thinking about it. I asked some very wise people their opinions, and I came up with a solution. I will redo the book. My dilemma was mostly I didn't know what to say about my mother. I could write an entire book about our relationship and all the things that have happened over the years. My mother is crazy - but I say that knowing full well my mental screws are quite loose. One of the main differences is that I go to therapy weekly, have a psychiatrist, and am medicated. And I get along fine. The other issue was my book is mainly about learning to live (see title of blog), with Cystic Fibrosis. But I don't just have cystic fibrosis. CF is the hardest thing for me to hide. I can hide depression and PTSD. I can hid...

I found this video today. I usually watch Momversation videos because I am with children a lot, I enjoy the panelists, and it's just a really well-done site. This video hit home. I feel I can never do enough for depression and mental illness. Mental illness is horrible. I've said this before, but I have very little trouble living my life with my physical illnesses - my cystic fibrosis and my diabetes (not to mention the fibromyalgia, endometriosis, chronic migraines and something I'm sure I'm forgetting). I really don't mind them so much. I have to take medicine and do treatments, but those are okay. Sometimes I get angry or sad because this is the way my life is, but for the most part, I accept it. When I am not sufficiently medicated for my mental illnesses (PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc.) I am a complete mess. It's hard to put into words the difference between physical and mental illness, but I'm trying. Mental illness is all-consuming. You can...

I finished reading "Sick Girl Speaks" by Tiffany Christensen tonight. It's honestly the best book by someone with CF that I have ever read. It's different from all the rest. It's great. I'd even recommend it to those of you who don't have CF - those of you who want to see into "The Sick World," as Tiffany calls it, without being scared out of your mind by gory details. If you would like to borrow my copy, you're more than welcome (you know, those of you here in town). I wrote notes in the margins - mainly for me so that I can write about similar topics later, but I underlined things that I agreed with. Fast read, nice print size, I loved it. I always find it amazing how much CFers have in common. When I first attended a CF meeting I thought they had cloned me and sat me down with my clones to chat about life. Sure our experiences had been slightly different but our emotions are so similar. That's always comforting. There are peopl...

I got my shit together. It's official. I ordered meds, I picked them up, I poured my meds. I did my treatments, I brushed my teeth, I cleaned out the desk in the living room (well started... looks like the front room of my house is a two-day project). And as a reward I went to my friend Tracy's Lia Sophia party tonight. Spent too much on jewelry, but I've decided to get rid of all my non Lia earrings because I'm so damn allergic to them. I'll keep the special ones - like the ones I bought in Hawai'i, but other than that my earrings are gone. If you'd like some craptacular used earrings let me know! I'm proud that I've got my shit together (well for today). Now this will be Project: Maintaining Put Together Shit. Please submit better names if you have one. I'm so glad I went to Tracy's tonight - I met some great people, some great opportunities and have already been invited to a Girls' Weekend! I got some really amazing compliment...

This place. They woke me up several times in the night. This morning I had blood drawn around 5:30 am, and I don't know. I am waiting for a pair of non-latex sterile gloves to come up, and I'm so nervous because the nurse going to change my needle (well, put in the new one) doesn't know what she's doing. I had to tell her she was doing things wrong and that she had contaminated her gloves and the needle and everything. She didn't even have a sterile field set up. What is wrong with this place??? I'm going to work on my book some. I've been bored, and I think I need to work on it. I'll keep you updated on the progress of the book. I feel okay, but not really up for visitors. My dad is coming tonight and I want to spend time with him. Tomorrow my brother is coming and I hope to spend time with the entire family. This weekend is Mother's Day, and I want to spend time with my mother. I also need to get a montage ready for her. I think that...