Learning To Live

I'm really tired of this dance I have to do with my CF clinic.  I don't know what else to say, other than that.  My parents and I have always had to dance with the CF clinics in one way or another.  My best CF clinic was the pediatric clinic at UW Madison, but eventually we had to dance with them too. I'm just so fed up and annoyed because being sick is hard, and then dealing with doctors and clinics is hard.  I would rather just do things on my own and not deal with doctors at times, because they and their staff make my life more difficult. This is the story of my two week dance (thus-far) with my current clinic: Last Tuesday I called CF clinic because they had never scheduled my follow-up appointment from my hospital stay and it has been a month.  I requested to do PFTs locally and go from there.  I got a call on Wed. saying my doc is out of town, but the NP would like to see me in clinic. I don't really like her because she's been rude to me about ...

On Monday, a man I have always loved committed suicide.  While I never met him in person, Robin Williams seemed like a friend.  I saw him (as characters on TV and in movies) more often than I would see some friends and relatives.  He made me laugh - a lot.  I remember one depressive episode where Mrs. Doubtfire was the only movie that could make me smile.  I included lyrics from "Friend Like Me" in my vows when Dan and I renewed them in June.  Robin Williams was always around and could always cheer me up.   And now he's gone.  He took his own life, and that reminds me that on occasion, I think about taking my life. Someone else's horrible depression can trigger thoughts of my own depression.  Who thought that would be fair?  One cancer patient talking to another cancer patient doesn't make either cancer worse.  In fact, it's probably almost always cathartic.  Now, talking about my depression to people who really understa...