Learning To Live

Let's talk about these things in reverse order. I realized I was still depressed. I'm not the type of person who cries very often. I know that I'm having problems when I cry for stupid reasons. We upped my dose of my depression med, and I'm doing much better - so far. I was with my family over the weekend, and that always makes me feel better. We'll have to see how I'm doing by the end of this week to see if the meds are helping. I have only had to take small naps or no naps and I've been able to get a little done today - like the dishes, and unpacking a little. Hopefully I will be able to continue getting a little done every day - and then someday it will all be done. (insert insane laugh here because it will never be all done because I am so good at making a mess). I want to dance. I watched all the So You Think You Can Dance I missed while I was in Europe/busy before Europe... and I want to dance like that. I decided that if they get that pill t...

This week has hurt a lot for many different reasons, but I've also learned some very important things. I have learned how I like to be. I have remembered that I like to be the one doing the helping, not the one that needs all this help. But when I need the help - I know who has my back 100%. I have learned how much people - even strangers - can care. I have learned exactly why I write this blog. I write this blog because somewhere out there is a person who is depressed, or who has CF, or is diabetic, has been victimized, or just feels sad, and somehow my blog will hopefully help them. Maybe it will inspire someone to express him or herself in a healthy way - or at best help them see what therapy and medication has allowed me to become. And when I work through this depression I will be who I was again, but wiser and with more to give. I have learned that although the depression meds aren't yet helping much, it doesn't mean I have to fall to pieces and hide. I am stro...

Besides being one of my favorite quotes from my favorite movie (guess.), it's how I feel tonight. Yep. I hurt like I've been hit with a ton of bricks - thanks to Kim for the life-saving massage at dance tonight - but I still hurt like I'm under those bricks. I couldn't for the life of me find any pep to dance tonight - only towards the end of the night did I perk up. When I got home, I figured it out: I AM A FUCKING RETARD. Carla, you are diabetic, you fool. Take the amount of insulin you need and you won't feel as terrible. Still might feel bad, but not sleepy and bad. I ate pizza for dinner and drank a SPRITE with it - and only took insulin for the pizza. Do you KNOW how much sugar is in a SPRITE - and not a can - one of those GIANT soft drink containers at the mall. Yes. Then I tried to be social and dance with THAT MUCH SUGAR rushing through my veins. What a retard I am. There are other issues that also need to be blogged about - the number of people...