Learning To Live

Am I a horrible person because I don’t believe that “my donor’s worst day was my best day?”   One, it doesn’t make sense – not literally.   My donor was brain dead several days before I was transplanted.   I assume that was the worst day for his family and loved ones.   And while I feel very blessed to have new lungs, beyond grateful to my donor who decided to save the lives of strangers he would never meet, I wouldn’t say my transplant date is “the best day of my life.”   Life-changing, yes.   I received the gift of life.   And it’s incredible, amazing, and beyond words.   But all I remember from that day are going to surgery, and a little bit when they woke me in the ICU to prove to my family I was still there.   They woke me long enough for me to open my eyes a little and squeeze hands.   And honestly, is it the best day of my family’s lives?   They sat around, waiting to hear if I made it through surgery.   If I was expected to live.   And then they had to see me on a ventilator i

"Excuse me Paul -- I'm having a problem with this This credo -- My T-cells are low -- I regret that news, okay? Alright But CARLA - How do you feel today? What do you mean? How do you feel today? Okay Is that all?   BEST I'VE FELT ALL YEAR! Then why choose fear? I'm a CFer! Fear's my life! Look - I find some of what you teach suspect Because I'm used to relying on intellect But I try to open up to what I don't know Because reason says I should have died Three years ago No other road No other way No day but today" - Adapted from "Life Support" from Rent <3  Today I felt GREAT.  Despite not sleeping much (I'm on an antibiotic for a sinus infection that keeps me awake... ALL. DAMN. NIGHT), I felt AMAZING.  What not throwing up can do for you!!! Yesterday, after my asshole doc told me he wouldn't prescribe me the medication I logically should try, I called my PCP's office and got an appointment for today.  I went in ready to fi

I feeeeeeeeel like I'm FLYYYYYYYYYYING! One day vomit-free and I feel like I'm going to conquer the damn world! I WILL get better! I will BE better! My life can re-start post cancer (maybe... we still need to see what today's blood work showed)! I want to  dance and sing and jump and QUILT! I want to organize the house! I want to quilt and sew and knit!  I want to write about my experiences! I want to see the world! ...but for today, I'm going to continue teaching myself to crochet (basically the only craft I've ever failed and given up on), and make sure my body keeps getting better!!! Short-ish note on why I was so sick: Levothyroxine.  The thyroid hormone you have to take forever once they remove your thyroid.  I am very clearly allergic to something in it.  It's unlikely that it's the levothyroxine itself.  It's most likely the blue dye or additives.  This is why I've felt like complete GARBAGE since August. S