Monday, June 30, 2008

A Guide to Becoming the Most Neurotic Person Ever.

... and I mean that. This is truly how to become completely neurotic. Since I am a neurotic nightmare, the next list is not in any order of importance - except they are all key steps on the road to being neurotic.

1) Hold onto that dream you gave up on three years ago because of your health. That's right. PRETEND you are going to graduate next spring with your masters in Chemical Engineering.

2) Go ahead, in your mind change your name so you can become (or rather, pretend to be) the person you wanted to be before you got this sick. Yeah. Think of yourself with a new name.

3) Commence internet search to find a date - a guy that isn't cheating on someone, who cares about you, who wants to live with you - the future chemical engineer with the different name - forever.

4) Actually go on date with a guy you met on internet. Make sure he is the same age as the teacher who stalked you in high school.

5) Think things could go somewhere with said much older guy because you're getting along famously - well the you that lied her ass off is getting along famously with him. He's sweet and cares deeply...

6) Make sure his caring deeply is for his wife and 3 kids. And then think "Yep. He's the guy for me... except he's already taken."

7) Make sure that he only wants to sleep with you and that maybe everything was a misunderstanding.

8) After all this, develop what you think may be an allergy to your bed, and take to sleeping in the den. Either it's an allergy or some sort of weird aversion that I'll figure out about 4 years from now.

9) Make sure that the words your former coach sent to you in an email keep running through your head. The stuff about the "immaturity" and the "lack of moral fiber" and "intestinal fortitude." Okay, the last one is just funny, but the other stuff runs through the head.

10) Tear your entire place apart, with the intention of redecorating everything in two months. Then realize that you don't have the strength/energy to complete the project like you want to. Then obsess about the lack of progress and your declining health.

11) Obsess that you will never find anyone that wants something more than sex. Someone who isn't committed to someone else and wants to commit to me. Because clearly, I'm cute and smart and every guy tells me so - but apparently only cute and smart in the friends with benefits but no relationship kind of way. Right.

12) Wonder why the hell you are sleeping in the den. What's wrong with my big, beautiful bed. Is it the wool rug? Am I allergic to it? Do I have a psychological aversion to sleeping in my bed? My bed where I've been told so many horrible things? The bed where I've broken up with... well, shit, I've forgotten the number. But it's more than 2 guys.

13) Freak out b/c you get along with older people better than most of your peers.

14) Freak out in general.

15) Freak out! awwwww Freak out!

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Back in the US

Well, now I'm home.

We got in late (LATE LATE LATE) on Thursday night... and then spent one night here at my house. Then Friday morning we went to my parents' house to unpack and give Mom gifts and show Mom photos.

I had a nice rest, and am maybe adjusting to US time again. I still feel like I'm on Munich time, and that's why I wake up EVERY MORNING at 5am and can't get back to sleep. It's annoying as hell.

Today my parents brought me home and we began my summer project: OPERATION RE-DECORATE THE HOUSE. We started by putting a twin bed that had stashed in the guest room into the den (really hard to explain how that worked unless you have seen it). This meant taking everything out of the den (minus desk and piano) and moving it into my bedroom or the dining room for me to sort through this summer. I also plan on buying some things I can display things on in the living room.

I also have many art projects planned. It's going to be a lot of work, but since I'm not dancing this summer, I'll have time for it.

I'm super sleepy now.


P.S. Does anyone want to move to Germany with me? My heart hurts thinking that it is so far away - I love Germany so much. Italy was amazing to visit, but I want to LIVE in Germany.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


Most of the posting I'm doing from here in Europe (OMG I LOVE SAYING THAT), is on my other blog (, but while I have the use of free yoinked internet, I plan on updating here a little more.

Right now I am sitting in the hotel room while Darin and Dad went to the museum of science. I got to sleep in until 10:30 this morning!!! Incredible! I'll copy/paste some of my favorite photos so far after I update the other blog for today and yesterday.

<3 Carla

CF Husband

You should go read CFHusband if you haven't been keeping up. I have been here in Europe for more than a week, and so much has happened with them. Tricia now has a type of lymphoma that is common after transplant, so please keep her, her husband Nate, and their little girl Gwyneth in your prayers.

Nate has done a wonderful job sharing his life as a CF Husband with the world, and I respect both of them immensely for what they've done for CF and organ donation awareness. I haven't met them personally, but I feel as if I have.

I know I will be praying for Tricia's quick recovery and for her strength to continue so she can be the best mom possible to Gwyneth. They truly are an amazing family.


Monday, June 16, 2008


So there is a Bidet in our hotel here in Florence. Seriously, why would you need a Bidet? Isn't wiping your ass enough? Do you really have to wash it off and then wipe it again? Isn't that what showering is for? And why are the Europeans so obsessed with the Bidet - It's not like they shower enough in the first place, so why are they so concerned with the cleanliness of their ass? Or is that the point? They don't feel they need to wash their whole bodies very often, as long as the ass is clean.

Anyways, an update on me: I'm feeling better-ish about the dance team thing. I know my teammates don't hate me. Now I have to get over not dancing with them several times a week. Sad.

(I love yoinking internet from the cute American students in the window across the alley - I thought about making a paper airplane with my email address on it and a Thank You For The Internet note... and then Darin said, "Skank." I protested that I never turn down an opportunity to make new friends ;-) ).

The Dancing

The dancing, that I'm so passionate about, is coming crashing down around me. I have been kicked out of the dance studio b/c I had some ideas for change.

I sent an email to my captain (I'm vice-captain) criticizing our coach and the way things currently are on the team. I guess she forwarded it to him, because he then banned me from the studio. He has no power to remove me from the team, and it'd be interesting to stay on the team and not dance in the studio just to spite him, but it'd be a waste of time and money.

Too bad the new team captain is a puppet for the coach. I liked our other team captain - the one who listened to members and tried to help everyone.

This has made me almost never want to dance on a team again. And I'm afraid to show up anywhere in town to dance because I'm the new dance world Bitch. I never intended this to happen - I just tried to show how the team was flawed in the way it was working because we have so many members who are new to dancing. So many members who can't afford the two hour weekly private lessons our captain can. I can't afford that.

Oh, yeah, and all this happened while I am here in Europe and I don't have any chance in hell of defending myself. So it's just me, here, and them there forming their new opinions about me.

At least there's another team where hopefully I will fit in. Maybe I'm done being a leader - and that's probably not true. I am a born leader. I do things the way I see they need to be done, and I don't fool around. It's just the way I live my life - the way I have to live my life.

Okay, I think I'm done ranting about this, hopefully forever, but probably just for now.

I love Europe, and I'd like to move here. Does any rich person want to marry me and move to Europe with me. I particularly like Germany. The Germans do things by the rules and the way they are supposed to be done. I love it.

Okay, now back to chilaxin' in Florence.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Traveling To Austria, Europe Day 4

Today we drove... all day. And we drove and drove and drove. From the little town in Germany, to Salzburg, Austria. Then over the Glockenspiele (Grossglockner Hocaplenstrasse)... right, I like to call it the Glockenspiele National park. It was mountainous and wonderful. Fabulously wonderful. Here are some photos (mostly shot out of the car window, so these were the best we got).

A German Circus!

Be Polite. Trendy Sandy is Watching YOU!

The big European soccer tournament is being held by Austria and Switzerland now. So there are signs like this:

Snow! In JUNE!

That's pretty high...

OMG! Empty window boxes??? I think that's a crime here!

My bed in our awesome hotel in this little Austrian hotel. I wish we were here for more than one night.

Okay this was last night at dinner - our last night with the German friends, sadly. LOVE the German friends. I got this sweater as a gift - it is supposed to go over the traditional German dress that I can't spell, and was made by Gerhardt's Aunt. What an AMAZING gift. Oh yeah, and that's my fried apple dessert which was Heavenly.Cables for the Cable buses in Salzburg.

Oh, just another Castle.

Note how white Darin's legs are. Haha.

Darin is the girl. Duh.

This is a Marmot. They are awesome. Unfortunately, after this one committed suicide by throwing himself in front of our car. He left a note saying he is newly divorced, and the wife got custody of the kids, and with the drop in tourism he is out of work and he just couldn't take it anymore, so he ended it all doing what he does best, showing off for tourists. He will be missed.


This is our awesome hotel.
This is the awesome view from the awesome room in our awesome hotel.



P.S. I love you Mom! It was really good to talk to you from on top of the mountain pass (can you believe we got better reception up there than in the rest of Europe? Figures). I miss you and Snowball, and hope you don't get washed away with the rain! Have a good night! I'll update next from Venice!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I'm In Europe

Hop on over to HERE to see how we're doing.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Things I Said Today

I was having a really "on" day, and it showed in some things I said. I thought I'd share them here.

"Oooo no one would ever thought to do a FAN in RUMBA! I now see why that's copy-written."

Come on, who copy writes BASIC dance moves when combined into a routine - that's just asinine. I'm having problems with the dance team. I won't write about my plans until the shit really hits the fan (which, knowing me, it will - and it will be shortly after I return from Europe...), but they are big plans one way or the other.

"So I have to work on my issues with my presidential candidate in therapy? Is that so wrong?"

The presidential candidate I now support, was not previously supported by me because his male "sociopathic eyes" bothered me. Now, I support him and what he stands for, I just can't look at his eyes.

"I wanted to let you know what's going on here 'on the home front.'"

I just liked that I used, "On the home front."

"I'm not doing this for my health - it's because I care. Wait, I actually AM doing this for my health."

That was me talking about dance to my father. I was venting frustrations with the team, and wanted to get across the point of how much I love dancing and why I do all this extra work for the dance team - it's because I care. And I used a very cliché phrase, which proved funny. Because I am dancing for my health. I'm dancing to keep using my lungs so I will put off losing them.

Things I'm Going to Miss and Things I Want to Do.

This is a silly little list of things I'm going to miss while in Europe:

*My bed. If I could get the wedge pillows right, I'd miss it more. Right now I'm too lazy to rearrange them.

*My friends - I'm going to miss texting them and hanging out with them and being with them - but I will be with two of the best people in the world - Dad and Darin. And maybe I'll write on little pieces of paper and hand them to Darin as Texts. He will not be amused, and it will make it that much better for me.

*Naps. I'm pretty sure Dad will have it scheduled so no naps are allowed. I really like my naps.

*My shower. I now feel claustrophobic in most showers - but I'll take photos if I find any good European ones. I think that's like finding the Fountain of Youth - a good European shower.

Now here is the list of things I want to do:


*Practice Italian

*Eat and eat and eat!!!

*Pick up some really awesome souvenirs!

*Find the elusive size 42 shoe and then buy them because they fit!

*Send postcards!

*Take a million photos!

*Take even more photos!

...I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!!! My list of things I'll miss is so much smaller than the things I'm excited about - I just can't wait to leave!!! SUNDAY!!!!

My New Addiction

I'm addicted to Google Street View. This afternoon I have spent touring my hometown, without ever going there. It's amazing. It gives me my little fix so I don't miss the place, and I don't have to go there.

I saw that my chemistry teachers from high school have done yard work. The people who moved into my best friend's old house have put up a basketball hoop, and I got to look at all my old houses without actually being in the town.

This is a wonderful invention.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Douchebag of the Year

I have a "douchebag of the year" story - story that included his crazy girlfriend too. And I'm not ready to tell it here yet, because I'm afraid the madness will end and so will my laughs.

Great Quotes From Darin

"I know guys who were abstinent in high school, but only because of porn."

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Europe Bound

I'm totally ready for Europe - mentally. Physically I haven't finished packing, but details, details.

So while I'm gone my phone will be off except for when I'm doing something separate from the fam and then I'll turn it on. It'd be great if you don't call or txt me from June 8th-June 27th, because my phone will be on international roaming and it's crazy expensive.

If anything comes up, send me an email.


Monday, June 2, 2008

Bubble Baths and Insect Porn

Tonight I had a splendid bubble bath and a good political conversation. We'll leave it up to you to decide whether they were at the same or different times.

I feel really good after my bubble bath. I got all the salt off my skin from being outside so much. One good thing about the salt loss that occurs in CF is it ends up on my skin and then acts as an awesome exfoliant. My skin is all soft and silky and I love it.

I also found a website - the Sundance Channel - with insect porn by Isabella Rosalini. I found the like at I know I linked that in my last post too, but she has some really great stuff. You can find the insect link there. It's probably easier than me looking it up again.

I feel really good with my silky skin and my self-esteem boost. Yesterday I was made the bad guy in a nasty situation where the guy cheated on his girlfriend with me - and she thinks it's my fault. She blamed everything on me, and wouldn't listen to what the douchebag was telling me - the lies he was feeding me. I didn't do anything wrong except let him treat me like an object - but that's something I'll work on with my therapist.

But anyways, I know that I didn't do anything wrong - besides hanging around the douchebag. That's something I need to change in my life. I need to hang out with the people are amazing. The people who don't cause me drama or crazy tales to tell. As exciting as the tales are for you people to read, they really aren't that fun to live through. I stress about them and think everything is my fault. This time, I know it's not my fault. I didn't lie; I didn't purposely hurt anyone; all I wanted was to feel special for awhile - and I ended up being an object again.

I am going to spend my summer with people who really care about me and who never let me feel like an object. I'm going to be spending time with my Dad and brother in June - less than a week until the only people I'm with are Dad and Darin for almost three whole weeks. And after that, I have my list of people I want to spend time with.

I hate to say this, but I'm thinking of quiting the dance team. The drama kills me - and the work load may also. We'll see how my research goes and my book writing and things like that, and I'll decide if now or later is the time to quit the team. I know the dancing is good for my lungs, but the drama is not good for my soul. Maybe it's good for the blog, but I'd rather be happy.

First semester on the team was fairly drama-free. Or at least the drama didn't involve me. Maybe if Sarah Lynn joins the team, it will make me stable enough to stay.

I have no idea what to do. I guess I need to think about it more.

The Upside of Depression

I found this here, ( and found it very amusing - and pretty much true. It's another new blog I've found and I enjoy. I need a new hobby. "Nothing" is a pretty good hobby, but I don't know how much more "nothing" I can stand.

So here it is, The Upside of Depression:

1. When you call to see a doctor and they ask why, when you tell them you've been feeling sad, they will get you in RIGHT away.
2. You finally did something to render your mother-in-law speechless for now, and just a little afraid of you forever.
3. Skimping on outfit changes and showers means less laundry, lower water bills.
4. Crying burns calories.
5. Suddenly, you're getting high fives for getting up in the morning.
6. Apathy and mood swings makes you feel like a teenager again.
7. Doing Nothing is a cheap hobby.
8. Your new expressionless face is eradicating your forehead wrinkles.
9. No one asks you why you are adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
10. Once you are really feeling good, you can plan a 'bad day' every now and then just to keep everyone on their toes.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Through the Eyes of a Child

I had the perfect end to the perfect weekend tonight. I babysat for the best two-year-old in the world.

It has been about two years since I have babysat, and I miss children so much. The world is so much brighter when you spend your time with children, because to them, the world is what you make it.

I can't wait to do more babysitting this summer. Children are amazing.

Calling All Douchebags

"We hurt so many people unintentionally why do we do it on purpose?"

That phrase was spoken to me by my 8th grade teacher, and he told me that a very wise man once told him that. That very wise man was my father. I have always tried to live by that saying. I hate to see anyone get hurt. I have this response to seeing my friends or people I know getting hurt. When I see them getting hurt I go into "overprotective" and "must string up and castrate the bastard" mode.

Since that is how I view things, I don't get guys. Seriously, I don't understand them at all. I know so many guys who have committed unspeakable acts - cheating, lying, lying about the cheating, sexual assaulting a friend of mine, hitting on friends who I view as little sisters (it'd be great if the Dance Triumvirate of Evil would leave the 18-year-old girls alone), and I just want to get rid of them all.

My black list of guys keeps growing - and once you end up on my black list, you can't get off of it. Never. And I'm not afraid to let people know the heinous crimes you have committed against your previous girlfriends/me/my friends/people I don't even know. If you've done it, there's a good chance I'm telling people what you've done.

I do believe in second chances, but I have to see that the person actually cares about changing and most guys just really don't care, because the ones I've been dealing with recently don't even acknowledge they've done anything wrong.

I know I tend to take my own personal action against the guys who piss me off because so little was done about the guy who criminally stalked and sexually harassed me, and maybe this is my way of trying to prevent horrible things from happening to other girls.

If it weren't for Chris and Kyra and Kynan and Janelle I think I would have completely lost my faith that actual nice guys exist - and some of them are even worthy of dating!

And that was my little rant without getting into any specifics about the current douchebag who has been lying to me since... oh, August, and been lying to another girl for years (who he's been dating since, oh three months ago, and denied it to me and kept lying even after I caught him in his lies). Real. Nice. Guy. Makes me want to slam my head on my desk.

I feel so awful for the girl who is still with him because she's so sweet and deserves more than a lying sack of shit.

Oops... did I just talk about that in my blog now? Oh well. He deserves it.

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