Friday, June 18, 2010

Learning To Live

Learning to Live is hard.  I want to live happy, healthy and free.  I get frustrated when sad things happen.  I feel it shouldn't affect me because I'm no longer depressed.  I need to accept that sad things happen and it's okay to be sad. 

Last week my puppy got sick.  We got Snowball when I was 10 and my brother was 7.  We named him and that's as creative as we could get.  He was white and flluffy, so Snowball made sense.  If I got a dog now I'd name him Einstein, Schrodinger (although that's a better name for a cat), or The Doctor (Doc for short).  That's a different story - the "Why Carla Can't Have A Dog" story. 

So we'd had Snowball for more than 13 years.  He truly was my mom's dog - he followed her everywhere.  But we all loved him so much.  He was the best dog ever!  There was no end to the tricks and quirks of Snowball.

Some of my favorites are when he used to steal my dad's sandal - and it was nearly as big as he was.  Watching him bound with this completely awkward sandal was adorable.  He used to steal cloth napkins off the table - and that's how he got his middle name "Napkin."  Had we been clever it could have been "Sneaky" or "Swiper" because alliteration is cool.  But we were young and "Napkin" made sense. 

I love when he would try and get us to play with his chips (what we called the chew things).  He would throw it in the air and catch it, throw it and go chase it.  It was adorable.  He also loved to play.  When he was a puppy we would play soccer - and that was wonderful.  He had so many awesome toys over the years - Squeaky Penguin, Spider, and Turtle that became yarmulke because he loved to rip out all the stuffing.  There are too many favorite toys to mention.  But Bunny has to be mentioned.  Bunny was Snowball's bedtime pal for 7 years, until he stopped sleeping in the kennel and insisted on sleeping with Mom and Dad. Bunny is a special friend. 

There was always a new quirk with Snowball.  This winter we finally taught him/let him go outside by himself.  And he loved it.  Last summer he ate the cherry tomatoes that fell off Mom's plant.  And he always would tell us when he wanted to go to bed. 

I love him so much - it's hard.  Tuesday Mom and Dad had to put him down after he had a seizure.  Last week we found out he has cancer.  I dropped everything and went to my parents' place - I needed to say goodbye.  But Snowball improved and my brother came up and we all had a good weekend with Snowball.  We even threw him a Goodbye Party and he ate cake and ice cream with us.  When my brother and I left we said goodbye - but we thought we might have a little more time.  It was a shock when I got a call from my mom on Tuesday saying he needed to be put down.  And about an hour and 1/2 later Snowball was gone. 

And I miss him. 

Learning to live is hard.  But maybe this is just another life lesson - I wish this life lesson didn't hurt so much.

I love you Snowball! 

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