Thursday, May 1, 2008

Change of Plans

I had my weekend all planned out, and all I had to do was last through it. I knew that was going to be hard when I realized how bad my lungs were on Tuesday. Dancing was nearly impossible.

Yesterday and today I have worked hard to get things ready for the benefit tomorrow night - and I called clinic and we arranged for me to be admitted on Saturday. We'll see if I make it to the elections or not. I'd like to, but maybe it's pointless. I think I'll call clinic tomorrow and ask them to see if my room could be ready by, oh, 10 am or something like that. That way, maybe by evening I'll have some antibiotics running. *le sigh*.

I'm doing this by myself. I and Mom decided that she can come down later in the week if I need her - which I might. Right now, I'm pretty fucking sick. I'm going to bed at this ridiculously early hour so maybe I have a prayer of lasting through tomorrow.

I also realized this evening how few people understand this. They don't get how quickly these lung infections come on - how quickly I get sick. If I don't go in Saturday I will be worthless - I'll have to spend all my time in bed anyways - might as well be doing something that will actually make me BETTER.

They don't understand that when I need help I ask for it. I only ask for help when I really need the help - when I know I won't be able to do it on my own. The first people I asked to help me move into the hospital asked if we could "do it before or after practice, because we'd really like to go to practice." You know what? I'd really like to be able to participate in practice. I'd like to be able to dance at my own dance benefit for CF. I'd like to not miss the plans I had for Saturday or the picnic on Sunday. I'd like to not miss the elections dance and all those radio and TV spots we have scheduled in the next two weeks for the walk. Yeah, I had to give up doing the media stuff (I am media chair for the Great Strides Madison Walk) because I got sick. I'd really like to not miss that.

One dance practice is no big deal compared to what I'm missing. Compared to how sick I am and how much I really needed help, one dance practice is nothing.

I asked some other friends to help - the friends I originally had plans with on Saturday, and of course, they said they would help me. I should have asked them first. It just made sense in my mind to ask the friends who would be at dance since right now I can make it to the elections and back to the hospital before my room will be ready - so that made sense to me. I never thought they wouldn't help me.

But thank God I have my other friends - the friends I wouldn't trade in a million years - the friends who actually get this.

14 comments:

Waiting For Ling-Ling said...

I'm sorry you are feeling unwell-I learned (the hard way) that the large group of acquaintances I had through high school and early college were just that....acquaintances! And that is OK-They were still nice people who I hung out with.... I realized that the few (I can count them in one hand) were truly there for me no matter what. I think it happens to everyone. I hope you get well very soon so that you can enjoy your trip. Italy? It is magical, you want to be in tip top shape for that!

Anonymous said...

i think u want people to feel sorry for u.

Amanda said...

anon probably doesn't know what it's like to have CF.

Anonymous said...

anon probably is a spineless coward who should grow up and leave her/his name.

Carla - let me know what you need while you're in , and please e-mail me your address in the hospital. There's a care package with your name on it.

I admire you checking yourself in. You obviously know what you need and are at a place right now where you can make sure you get it. That's maturity! (Not that I ever thought you were immature...just trying to make a counterpoint to dumbass anon, here...)

Take one thing at a time, go do your time in the big house and come out feeling 100times better.

And, let me know what you need...books to read, sodukou puzzle books, dvd's? Jolly ranchers? Name it, it's on it's way.

Oh, and anon? "u" isn't cute. If "u" are going to be judgemental, learn to spell.

Tami

Matt Todd said...

I know exactly what its like to be in your situation right now. You don't want to miss out on things by being stuck in the hospital but you know that if you don't go in now it will only get worse and it will just take longer to get better and you'd probably end up missing those things anyways. I've always thought it sucks being in the hospital, but I usually have a sense of relief once i am actually in because i know something is being done to make things better and that the situation is being monitored carefully. Hopefully the antibiotics can do their work quickly and you wont be in too long. If you have a desire to talk to someone who knows what you're going through (health wise at least) don't hesitate to send me a message on face book or you can email me m_a_todd@comcast.net

Chris S. said...

to anon: Would you like to switch with Carla? Would you like to come to the hospital and sit with her for a few hours?

Probably not, because you're a dick anyway. So screw off and leave your comments to yourself.

GRR!

to Carla: Maybe you should moderate your comments? Then you can angrily delete their sorry asses. I don't think it's any different for readers to moderate your posts. You get an email when someone wants to post and you can click accept or reject. Then there's my favorite option "drop kick their asses." Wait, that's not actually an option... Where's that page for making suggestions to Blogger...?

We're here for you!

Anonymous said...

Actually, though, Chris, I'd be sad if there weren't idiotic responses from time to time. It gives me seomething to get all up in arms about and be sarcastic. I find it much more satisfying to think that just maybe anon came back to see if Carla responed to her-his post and found that all of us think s/he's an idiot. If the post simply never appears becausle Carla moderated it into oblivion, well, I guess it still sends a messge, but it's not as fun. For me.

Carla will do what she wants, of course. This is just my $.02.

Hey Carla - will you have internet access in the hospital?

Tami

Anonymous said...

So Tami, just so you know: judgmental has one e.

I only mention it because you're telling someone to fix their spelling, and as much as the anon deserves being yelled at, you having a misspelled word in your post just makes it funny. :-)

Anonymous said...

im the first anon. I actually do deal with CF daily. im in often and i dont ask people to feel sorry for me as badly as this girl does. there is nothing more annoying than her asking everyone to feel sorry for her and being angry that no one will help her move in. i do it all the time on my own, and i deal with it far more often than she does. not to mention i'm 2 years younger than her. grow the fuck up and learn to deal with your condition without asking for sympathy. god damn.

Anonymous said...

Hee hee anon #2...thanks for the catch! It makes me giggle when there are misspellings in things that are all about perfection, too!

My favorite was a brochure we got in the mail a while back that was advertising "Profreading Services."

Glad you pointed out my error!

Tami

It's all in good fun!

Dancing65Roses said...

First of all, I don't care if you have CF or not - you have no right to judge how I feel. No right to judge what I write in my personal blog. If you don't like my complaining, don't read it. But you probably read it for a reason.

Next - how do you know you're two years younger than me - how do you know you're sicker more often than I am??? Do I know you? If I did know you, you probably wouldn't say these things about me on my own blog - or you would have the guts to sign your name and not just refer to yourself as "the first anon."

Thanks,
Carla

Anonymous said...

Just to stay as off-topic as possible, "judgmental" and "judgemental" are both acceptable spellings. Your spell checker might not know this (mine doesn't, apparently), but my dictionary sure does... ;-)

- Matt (anonymous #42)

Katherine said...

I feel the need to say!
I wake up early every single day of the week,sick or not and go to wrk, then i come home and walk 2 to 7 miles a day. then shower then eat all through out the day trying to get in 5 treatments and my pills and cpt. then i go to sleep and do it all over again! I have mrsa, meaning medications don't work on me anyhow! i have been successfully sick for 2 hole entire months and i am finally making myself go in the hospital! Without complaint or talking about how horrible my life is! CF fucking sucks honey! some days i wake up gasping for air! but its not as bad as you make it seem... don't you think other people have it worse then you do????People with ms who can't walk anymore, or people with cancer who loose there hair and sleep all day because the chemo is nearly killing them or people with lugarics disease who get given a death sentence in 6 months yet they live there day to day lives with a smile on their face! You don't need a phyciatrist and you don't need depression pills you need to get off your high horse and fucking take care of yourself and if that doesn't work for god sake die with pride and quit fucking complaining!

Anonymous said...

Hey, linguistic fun! So as far as I understand it, judgement or judgment are acceptable, but really that's a more recent development, mostly because people just misspell judgment a lot. Now, judgmental I suppose could be spelled with an extra e, but I can't find a dictionary with that spelling in it, and m-w.com, which accepts either judgment judgement, has only the judgmental variant. I suppose you could carry over that since judgment can be spelled judgement, judgemental could be spelled that way, and I'd guess that eventually it'll get into more and more dictionaries and... Okay, I think I've been talking about the origins or words for as much as I'm allowed for one day.

-2

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