I had my weekend all planned out, and all I had to do was last through it. I knew that was going to be hard when I realized how bad my lungs were on Tuesday. Dancing was nearly impossible.
Yesterday and today I have worked hard to get things ready for the benefit tomorrow night - and I called clinic and we arranged for me to be admitted on Saturday. We'll see if I make it to the elections or not. I'd like to, but maybe it's pointless. I think I'll call clinic tomorrow and ask them to see if my room could be ready by, oh, 10 am or something like that. That way, maybe by evening I'll have some antibiotics running. *le sigh*.
I'm doing this by myself. I and Mom decided that she can come down later in the week if I need her - which I might. Right now, I'm pretty fucking sick. I'm going to bed at this ridiculously early hour so maybe I have a prayer of lasting through tomorrow.
I also realized this evening how few people understand this. They don't get how quickly these lung infections come on - how quickly I get sick. If I don't go in Saturday I will be worthless - I'll have to spend all my time in bed anyways - might as well be doing something that will actually make me BETTER.
They don't understand that when I need help I ask for it. I only ask for help when I really need the help - when I know I won't be able to do it on my own. The first people I asked to help me move into the hospital asked if we could "do it before or after practice, because we'd really like to go to practice." You know what? I'd really like to be able to participate in practice. I'd like to be able to dance at my own dance benefit for CF. I'd like to not miss the plans I had for Saturday or the picnic on Sunday. I'd like to not miss the elections dance and all those radio and TV spots we have scheduled in the next two weeks for the walk. Yeah, I had to give up doing the media stuff (I am media chair for the Great Strides Madison Walk) because I got sick. I'd really like to not miss that.
One dance practice is no big deal compared to what I'm missing. Compared to how sick I am and how much I really needed help, one dance practice is nothing.
I asked some other friends to help - the friends I originally had plans with on Saturday, and of course, they said they would help me. I should have asked them first. It just made sense in my mind to ask the friends who would be at dance since right now I can make it to the elections and back to the hospital before my room will be ready - so that made sense to me. I never thought they wouldn't help me.
But thank God I have my other friends - the friends I wouldn't trade in a million years - the friends who actually get this.
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