Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Falling Apart

I didn't talk about yesterday here, but yesterday I was Wonder Woman. I babysat (got off early, which helped), went to the hobby store to get Halloween decorations, walked 1.5 miles on the treadmill, decorated my place, did the dishes, took out the trash, and generally was awesome.

Today I am falling apart. I babysat, which went well, except for the coughing spell from the study drug I am on. I will talk more about the study drug later when I have made up my mind what I am going to do about it. That is one issue that weighs heavy on me tonight. I want to do the drug perfectly - like I did in the Cipro study, but this drug causes coughing fits. Not normal coughing fits. These are doubled over, my lung being hurled from my chest and into the next state kind of coughing fits. Then after I retrieve my lung from the next state, the coughing starts all over. And NOTHING helps. Not water. Not food. Not cough drops, nor steam nor any other thing you can think of besides the dreaded - dun. dun. dun: COUGH SYRUP. Cough syrup is sort of a forbidden thing among CFers because the goal is to cough out the gunk. But the only thing that stops my industrial sized cough is the industrial strength cough syrup.

But enough about that. I said I wasn't going to talk about it until I made my decision. But the coughing. The never ending cough that lasts all day and night and makes me cough while I'm coughing? That cough? It gets in the way of my life. Like today. I feel like CRAP. I wanted to go to my mandatory meeting - but I didn't. I wanted to walk on the treadmill - but I didn't. I wanted to not lie on the couch in pain all night - but I did.

And maybe some of this is because I had to skip accupuncture this week. I'm a big fan of my accupuncture and it's real just like fairies and Santa Clause. So don't show me any studies you found about how it really doesn't work. It does.

Part of me - well, most of me, can't wait until my brother gets here on Friday. He can do the laundry, and get milk and tomatoes, and help me clean.

Days like today make me feel like I'm falling down a never-ending staircase and I can't find my footing. Every now and then a foot will land correctly, but I can't stop the tumbling. When my brother or my dad arrive it stops the tumbling and allows me to step off the staircase. It's a little savior.

And I sure can't wait until that savior arrives on Friday.

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