Saturday, January 30, 2010

Still Not "THE" Post

That's right. This is not the positive, humorous post that I am still planning to write. This is a rant. This is my frustration spilling out onto my blog because I'm tired of crying on the phone to my dad.

I have endometriosis. And a bunch of other things including fibromyalgia. The fibro is bothering me today and kept me from going to a dance practice I really wanted to attend. So instead of dancing I sat on the couch watching stupid television, and I took a nap. And now I'm out of stupid television so I am watching HGTV on my Saturday night because I am JUST. THAT. COOL.

My insurance company has denied the shot that keeps my endometriosis under control. We appealed and they denied it again. And boy am I pissed. And worried. And crying. I found out last night while at a dance and I just wanted to burst into tears. But how do I explain that I want to stay in menopause despite the knee issues and the Brillo-Pad hair on my chin. I don't have the pain. The all-consuming keeps me on the couch pain. I remember that pain. It was not a good time.

And now I'm having all sorts of issues with the fibro, and I'm scared the endo will come back because that might be the only option I have. To stop getting the shots and do something less effective to prove that I need the shots. AW, MOTHER FUCKER.

I want ALL the pain to be gone. I have a better time with my lungs than the pain. I feel like I was born with the lung problems and they are my "destiny," but the rest of this shit is just that - bullshit I don't need.

And I think my rant is going to end there. I might just go to bed because I'm so frustrated with being frustrated. I'm frustrated with dealing with pain. I'm frustrated with getting through things. I just want it all to be a little less painful. Thank you and goodnight.

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