Sorry for the lack of posting lately. I'm on a spiritual journey and it's taking me many places.
My journey started in Italy - a place I have actually been. Then it took me to India and Bali. (that was in "Eat, Pray, Love"). In that book I discovered that I have a soul that I need to look after and I need to actively take care of it or it will wither. And the same goes for my happiness. If I don't actively pursue happiness, it will never find me on its own. I learned many sage lessons from that book.
Next, I went into a world where Medicine and The Law crash into each other. "My Sisters Keeper" was a wonderful story. I related in many ways because of the medical procedures being done, but I couldn't relate at all to being used to save my sibling. I wonder if that's how my brother ever feels. He wasn't conceived to save me, but it was partially (or mostly, depending on who you ask), because I was sick. My mother wanted a healthy baby.
Next, I took a trip through the lives of twins with cystic fibrosis. "The Power of Two," started slow, but I really ended up enjoying it. I got to read about treatments and procedures that were common before I was born. I also got to read about attending CF Camp. Before the Foundation became Uber strict about cross-contamination rules (mainly over hyped fears - because the reward far outweighs the risk), there were summer camps just for CF kids. When I was really young - about 4 or 5 they kept telling me that as soon as I got old enough I would get to go to CF Camp - and I was so excited. A WHOLE WEEK to be with people just like me!!! And my year finally came. I was old enough to go to camp... and they shut the camps down. Huge dissappointment.
Anyways, I'm working on my spirit and myself not just by reading, but by being in therapy and really thinking about myself first - which sounds terrible - but it's something I usually don't do. I'm usually so worried thinking about and trying to make sure other people are happy, I don't get around to wondering if I am happy. Now that I have no mother, I don't have to worry whether she is happy or not.
But I wish she were happy.
But I can't make her happy - I can only make me happy.
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1 year ago