In less than two weeks it will be ONE YEAR since I have had any IV antibiotics. Sometimes, I still can't get my mind around this. Part of me feels so free, and another part of me feels really tied down - waiting for the bottom to drop out. Waiting until I'm sick again.
And I know that is not how I want to live my life. I am so grateful for everything I have going for me right now. I want to live my life to the fullest for every CFer who is still in a hospital bed somewhere. I want to fight for research and CF awareness. I want people to know how isolating this disease is and how much we need to talk to each other to get through this.
But I still feel guilty sometimes. What did I do to deserve this good health? Why did people I care about leave this earth? Why wasn't it me? Do I have a purpose in still being here? Am I as inspirational as those we have lost? I hope so.
I feel blessed because I am healthy. I feel sad because I'm the only one. I wish I could fix others and help myself at the same time - but I guess it doesn't work that way.
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1 year ago