Learning To Live

This is what swinging must feel like, but without all that icky STD crap. So many partners, so little time. We don't discriminate, as long as you're willing to jump on the dance floor, aw, shit. Now my metaphor is ruined. Well, I warned you. I stayed up until the very last few minutes of UWMBDA tonight. Google it, it'll be there. I'm a ballroom nut. Last semester didn't go so well with the endometriosis killing my party. I happily sat at the table and watched everyone else dance, convinced I would never join in again. But tonight, my friends, I danced and danced and danced. And once again, my feet gave out before my lungs. I gave hugs to so many people - almost all of my favorite people in the world were there - and none of the ones I hate! It was a FABULOUS kick off dance - especially if turn out stays high. I don't know where we'll be dancing - maybe in the streets, but we'll be dancing. But the asphalt is icky for out precious dance shoes...

This week has been crazy. Very busy. And this weekend will be too. But busy in a good way. Busy in the I'm seeing all my friends and spending time with Luca kind of busy. A couple notes: You know you've been playing too much Lego Star Wars when you're driving on the highway and think: "If I hit that thing over there with my lightsaber I'll get more coin thingys." And Chris, I hate your mouse. I can't get used to it. Luca agrees.

I'm not a fan of January. Maybe it's all this cold weather, or the lack of sunshine, or the fact that it feels like I am living at the north pole, but whatever it is: I. Hate. January. It is possible my hatred will continue into February and possibly March if the weather doesn't stay above about 20 degrees on a regular basis. I'm doing well lung-wise, and I'm getting better at doing things around the house. I think I'm having problems emotionally. January does this to me. I become bat-shit crazy somewhere between November and January. Call it seasonal depression, call it nutty - I don't care what you call it, I just know that I don't feel quite right and I want to fix it. I'd like to fix it before the anger inside me boils over and I go on a screaming rampage. Sadly that anger will probably end up misplaced and directed at someone I really don't want to be mad at if I don't figure this out. Thanks for listening to this brief announcement...

So a few days ago I got an email telling me that the little red dots on the side of my blog, the ones that show up on the map of the world, are going to be reset because it's been one year. This reminded me that some time ago, it was my one year anniversary of continual blogging. Um, yay? I'm not so sure this is a thing to celebrate, because basically this blog is my random rants and thoughts as I try to gather them in a way that will resemble some sort of a book. So the fact that I have been rambling on here for a year and haven't finished my book may, infact, be a bad thing for me. Oh well, apparently I have many dumb things to say and not so many great thoughts. Maybe I'll say something insightful in 2009. Happy one year of reading this crap!

I found the following HERE . It's the website of a guy who just got a lung transplant and is a patient of the doctor I am looking to switch to/get to know/meet. "As we grow we learn that the one person that wasn't suppose to ever let us down, probably will. You will have your heart broken more than once and its harder everytime. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend...and maybe even fall in love with them. You'll blame a new love for the things an old one did. You'll cry because the time is passing too fast and you'll eventually loose what you once had. So take too many pictures...laugh til it hurts... and love like you've never been hurt. Because every minute you spend mad or upset is 60 seconds of happiness that you will never get back." I believe everything he said, even though I don't always practice it. Sometimes it's really hard to follow what you preach, but I...

It's FINALLY here!!! Eight years of waiting for a democratic president are OVER!!! It's been a long eight years, ya'll. Can't wait to see what's going to happen next!

So here is a glimpse of what I have planned... My very. own. website. ...mainly b/c I want to set up a site for the knitting - which I'll probably explain more once everything is set up. But the blog will be linked to the site, info, etc. EXCITING. Tonight I stumbled upon this. I clicked a link on my own page, and found the transplant site. Reading it calmed me - and for some reason, I just know that that is where I am headed. I think maybe I'm supposed to get a transplant eventually so that I can continue to fight for CF and organ donation and finally finish that silly book I'm writing.

I'm not feeling happy today. There are a myriad of reasons why, and yes, this has to do with why I was typing things to boost my ego last night. Today we try a different "pick-me-up" called the wonderful world of the internet! These are the things I found amusing today: * Prostitution Free Zone for the Inauguration. Thanks Dan Savage. *Just read THIS. (again, Thanks Dan Savage). It's the reason I'm not happy about inauguration day. It's the reason I don't really want to watch it. Seriously, Barack, you couldn't find someone who isn't a homophobe? *Today I watched a lot of THIS . I love you Tiffany * My GREAT STRIDES PAGE! How many other ways can I ask you to join the walk team, SERIOUSLY - YOU. THE ONE READING THIS. Click, and go REGISTER. You know who you are because I sent you the email. L to the AME. Dad, this means you also... click and register, silly!!! * This because Lauren and I plan on selling them!!! * Color Esperanza It...

I'm making a list. This list is the things I like about me. The good qualities, the things I do well, the things I do. I've mentioned before I have trouble defining myself - and writing this list may help me feel better about that. There are some other issues that I'm also having trouble with, and writing as many positive things as I can right before I go to bed should help... I hope. *I love kids. Little kids make me really happy. They make me smile. *I'm a good friend. I'm loyal and helpful and a good listener - even though I'm also a very good talker. *I give advice that is practical, but positive. *I am creative. I have decorated my place myself, and often come up with great crafts and projects. *I'm good at knitting. *I'm smart - even though I couldn't finish college, my IQ is higher than average and I have that common sense thing going for me. *I'm dependable. I do what I say I am going to do - unless I forget, which is rare. Or if...

So there is big stuff happening in my land. It's way past midnight right now, so I'm going to bed... but hopefully I will get around to announcing things later. There will be lots of new things to come in 2009! Love, Carla

It's one of those nights. I can't sleep - or maybe I don't want to sleep yet. Either way, I just have all these things rolling around in my head. I'm thinking of things I wanted - things I still want. I'm thinking of friends who I haven't talked to in a while. I'm thinking of the great friends I spent my evening with. I'm thinking of all the things I want to do for the CF Foundation, all the things I want to do for CF Clinic, all the things I want to do for the CF world. I think I'll work backwards from that. I want to help people with CF. When I was very young I wanted to be a Pediatric Pulmonologist - I wrote in my journal in middle school that I wanted to be a CF doctor because I know what it is like to live with CF and I would be able to help them physically and emotionally. I want to help CFers with the emotional side through the CF group. I want to start new CF groups all around the country. I want to structure our CF group a little d...

This is one of those nights that I am feeling very thankful. First, I am very thankful to have somewhere warm to sleep on this incredibly cold night. I am thankful for family who will take care of me. I am thankful for friends who will distract me when family drives me nuts. I have the most amazing friends on the planet. I can't think of anything I lack in terms of friends. My friends are diverse and wonderful. I love them with all my heart. I am thankful for having so many people who care about me. Every year when I raise money for Great Strides it amazes me how generous people are - and how much more generous they are the next year. It's because of ya'll that I can raise money for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and hope to see a cure in my lifetime - even if that cure is too late for me. I am thankful for my internet family. It might be a little internet family, but you people are real - and most of you have CF, and that means you know exactly what I'm going th...

My days in winter are pretty boring. Right now, I'm spending my time knitting, watching The West Wing, and generally not doing much of what I should be doing. I'll write more when I'm inspired by something.

My New Year. This is my new year and I'm going to everything I can to fight. All I can do is fight. I need to fight and not let my disease consume me.

I am inspired by songs. I always have been. "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by The Rolling Stones has always played a big part in my life. It's a very important song to my family, especially to me and my father. I think we are the sentimental ones. When I was a senior in high school I had to choose a quote to put under my picture in the yearbook. Out of all the songs I knew, for what I was going through at the time the lyrics to "You Can't Always Get What You Want" seemed most appropriate. I couldn't fit all I wanted, so I chose, "But if you try sometime, you might just find You get what you need." I think of that quote a lot - especially when I am sad or have a bad day. I try and think if I have what I need. If I do, then I try and let the things I want go. I try and focus on what I really need - my family, my friends, and my lungs. I try and tell myself that when I lose one of those things then it is time to worry. But so...