Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Book

I am redoing my book. Revamping, reorganizing, rewriting. Ugh. The book that I had almost completed? The book that I was so close to finishing? Yes, that book.

I got stuck. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to finish. So I sat around thinking about it. I asked some very wise people their opinions, and I came up with a solution. I will redo the book.

My dilemma was mostly I didn't know what to say about my mother. I could write an entire book about our relationship and all the things that have happened over the years. My mother is crazy - but I say that knowing full well my mental screws are quite loose. One of the main differences is that I go to therapy weekly, have a psychiatrist, and am medicated. And I get along fine.

The other issue was my book is mainly about learning to live (see title of blog), with Cystic Fibrosis. But I don't just have cystic fibrosis. CF is the hardest thing for me to hide. I can hide depression and PTSD. I can hide endometriosis and never speak of the fibromyalgia - but the cystic fibrosis is always there. I cough, I take pills, and about every three months I do two weeks of IV antibiotics (either at home or in the hospital. Sometimes a combination of the two). Were I trying to hide my CF, I would disappear every three months for two weeks. I tried hiding my CF back before I ever had to do IV antibiotics and it was nearly impossible. I wasn't diabetic back then either.

But being diabetic isn't really a big deal to me. It bugs me that it is the reason I gain all this weight and can't lose any, but other than that, I don't really mind being diabetic. Being diabetic is much more 'normal' than any of the other things I deal with.

So I am working on making my book more about all the things I deal with - not just CF. Even though CF is my passion (working with people with CF, working to raise money for research, etc), I feel it is equally important to include those other things I have. I may not talk about endometriosis extensively - because I don't think of it everyday. I was in a lot of pain for several months, and now I'm in menopause. I can write an esssay about that and include.

The PTSD/anxiety/depression is more of an issue. That I deal with frequently, though maybe not daily. It certainly changed my life - whether for the good or bad I don't really know. Maybe I'll find out while writing about my mental challenges. I'm thinking I need to introduce the concept of me having mental 'issues' before chapter 5. I should make it known and talk about it openly. Sort of like how I should talk about my mother openly. Good luck with that one.

Maybe I need to just write a sitcom. Because I often feel like I'm living in one.

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