Saturday, November 20, 2010

Beautiful Words

 These are the beautiful words Kyra wrote about one of my recent posts.  After her comment, I will write a little about what she said.  
Kyra S. has left a new comment on your post "Mental Me":

Someone once said "Just stop feeling that way!"

Yeah. Right. I'll get right on that.

I know it is hard because of your anxiety to just let it be unresolved (this is from a card carrying member of the anxiety club) but realize that you can. And every time your brain comes back to that "Oh no, I can't take it place" just reply calmly "Yes I can, cause I've nearly died and if I can survive that I can survive this." And just pretend you believe it.

Your friend may never be willing or able to understand mental illness. Its hard for people sometimes when on the surface someone seems so healthy. Realize that your brain is fundamentally different than someone without PTSD. (And if anyone contradicts you, send them to the head of the Psyc department at the UW, who has research to the contrary) I'm betting your friend wouldn't ask someone with a triple bi-pass to run a marathon. In the same way she shouldn't ask you to be in the same room with your trigger. It would endanger your life and health just as much the marathon would someone with a heart condition.

I recently had a conversation with someone in a high position in the mental health community who asked how it is we can change perceptions of mental health in the US. I believe that we need to see people with Mental Health issues as full and complete people. Period. Not to be fixed or cured. Treated? Of Course. Medicated? When necessary. But to see them as valuable human beings first.

You are a whole, complete, wonderful person as you are. Give your PTSD a hug, cause it is part of you and you are wonderful.

Know that you are loved.

PS. Luca says: fffffffjfjfjdjdg. fjhgh edug sfggh h fd hesdjz. (Which I think means "What mommy said!")

These are words are so beautiful, so complete, so good for my soul it's hard to write about them.

I need to realize that my PTSD is just as much a part of me as my CF is.  I accepted my CF a long time ago - I know that it is part of me but does not control me.  I know that I am a complete person who happens to have CF.  I need to do that for my PTSD, too.  I need to realize that I am not a crazy burden.  I am a person with a medical illness - that happens to be mental - and sometimes I need some accommodations.  Just like when I travel I use a wheelchair and my friends accommodate that, they need to accommodate my need to not be around my PTSD trigger. 

I may not know what to do about my friend and her inability or unwillingness to accept my PTSD, but I need to accept my PTSD and know that I am a whole person who has some challenges.  I need to realize that I did what I had to do to protect myself - and despite the fact that she says I can't be trusted to behave appropriately, I do behave appropriately; I behave in a self-preserving way, sometimes, but other than that my behavior is always appropriate.

I know I have wonderful people supporting me; these are the people that see me as a whole person who happens to have PTSD, not as a burden or a crazy loon. 

And maybe I am a crazy loon - but at least I know it and can give my whole self a hug - PTSD, cystic fibrosis, fibromyalgia, endometriosis, depression, anxiety, diabetes and all.  It's who I am.  And the entire me is loved by some incredible people, and I am working on being able to love my entire self, too. 

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