Monday, June 2, 2008

Bubble Baths and Insect Porn

Tonight I had a splendid bubble bath and a good political conversation. We'll leave it up to you to decide whether they were at the same or different times.

I feel really good after my bubble bath. I got all the salt off my skin from being outside so much. One good thing about the salt loss that occurs in CF is it ends up on my skin and then acts as an awesome exfoliant. My skin is all soft and silky and I love it.

I also found a website - the Sundance Channel - with insect porn by Isabella Rosalini. I found the like at http://formerlyfun.blogspot.com. I know I linked that in my last post too, but she has some really great stuff. You can find the insect link there. It's probably easier than me looking it up again.

I feel really good with my silky skin and my self-esteem boost. Yesterday I was made the bad guy in a nasty situation where the guy cheated on his girlfriend with me - and she thinks it's my fault. She blamed everything on me, and wouldn't listen to what the douchebag was telling me - the lies he was feeding me. I didn't do anything wrong except let him treat me like an object - but that's something I'll work on with my therapist.

But anyways, I know that I didn't do anything wrong - besides hanging around the douchebag. That's something I need to change in my life. I need to hang out with the people are amazing. The people who don't cause me drama or crazy tales to tell. As exciting as the tales are for you people to read, they really aren't that fun to live through. I stress about them and think everything is my fault. This time, I know it's not my fault. I didn't lie; I didn't purposely hurt anyone; all I wanted was to feel special for awhile - and I ended up being an object again.

I am going to spend my summer with people who really care about me and who never let me feel like an object. I'm going to be spending time with my Dad and brother in June - less than a week until the only people I'm with are Dad and Darin for almost three whole weeks. And after that, I have my list of people I want to spend time with.

I hate to say this, but I'm thinking of quiting the dance team. The drama kills me - and the work load may also. We'll see how my research goes and my book writing and things like that, and I'll decide if now or later is the time to quit the team. I know the dancing is good for my lungs, but the drama is not good for my soul. Maybe it's good for the blog, but I'd rather be happy.

First semester on the team was fairly drama-free. Or at least the drama didn't involve me. Maybe if Sarah Lynn joins the team, it will make me stable enough to stay.

I have no idea what to do. I guess I need to think about it more.

2 comments:

Chris S. said...

For some reason, that link doesn't work. Maybe it's not open to everyone?

Oh, and I know I emailed this to you, but I thought I'd write it here too:

Don't stop dancing! We have to go out dancing for your birthday, so you better practice!

gracefulinsight said...

Hey, we still on for tomorrow?? We can do noodles again, or you can come over and i can make pasta or something. Let me know.

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