Trading Genes

Can I trade my Genes in for something?  Another set of Genes?  A pair of Jeans that fit correctly?  I'm getting a little tired of MY Genes (sorry Mom and Dad - you kinda gave me the short end of the stick). 

The last straw was tiny in comparison to my cystic fibrosis, my PTSD or my depression, but it was one more thing wrong with me and I broke. 

I have dandruff. 

I know, I know.  Use the special shampoos, use the special drops and it's pretty much gone.  But it's one more thing I'm supposed to take care of, and it arrived the same week as the realization I need oxygen at night.  And I just couldn't handle it.  I had the urge to hit my head with my hairbrush because I had no idea what else to do.  Really?  Are you serious?  I have ONE MORE THING wrong?  And this time it's visible? 

I don't know what to do.  This shouldn't be a big deal, but I feel like the world has crash landed in my lap.  I  think it's everything combined making me dizzy. 

As much as I really wanted the oxygen, I also DIDN'T want it.  Because, honestly, who wants to have to have a huge Big Ugly in their dining room so they can breathe at night.  And there's a giant oxygen tank, too.  And I have to get used to wearing the O2 at night again.  And the best way to do that?  Tape it to my face for the first few weeks until I'm used to it and won't take it off in my sleep.

I wanted the O2 to work immediately and to stop feeling tired and to get all sorts of things done and conquer the world this week, when in all honesty, I still need naps.  Not as many naps - but I need naps.  And that's frustrating for me. 

And to make everything that much more frustrating, I lost my favorite nurse.  Seriously, world?  What did I do???  So I have no idea who my new nurse will be, but she/he will not be as cool and fun as Cindy.  I love her to death.  There is one good thing about Cindy not being my nurse - we can be friends without it being weird now. 

Don't get me started on the dating stuff... I just want to give up altogether, but I guess I'll keep up with the online stuff for laughs and giggles. 

Today I have to do something to make me smile.  Because I need it.

Comments

The Kate P. said…
I hate stuff like that - you have a crappy day (or a life in which you've not been dealt the fairest cards) and then one more things comes along and it just finally touches off the powder keg and you have a melt down...I mean, not that this happens to me on a regular basis or anything...

But, hopefully to make your day even slightly better...Head and Shoulders does "better" dandruff shampoos now that still work, but smell good and leave your hair all silky. Again...not that I'd know or anything...

But seriously - *hugs* I know hearing again and again that "It'll all be ok" isn't helpful (and is SUPER annoying), so what I'll say is: You've proven time and time again that you're stronger than what the world can throw at you. Big Ugly sucks BUT it'll help in the long run and get you back to the fiesty biatch that we know and love!
September 29, 2010 at 10:47 AM
Jennifer said…
Hey chicka. Just wanted to give you a thought .. it may not be "dandruff" perse. For me, my dandruff was actually ... wait for it ... yeast. Over the Counter Shampoo called Nizoral took care of my problem. I used it three times a week in the beginning. Now I only use it every other month. The "Dandruff" itself hasn't shown itself in a long long time. After a couple of months of strictly using Nizoral, I was able to use other shampoos only. Most of the time I would use the Nizoral first .. then use regular shampoo (for the smell although Nizoral isn't bad smelling at all itself) .. then conditioner.

Just an idea. :)
September 29, 2010 at 5:49 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CF Contact

Image
Me and Trinity: What a cutie! Chest PT on a baby: The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation discourages any contact among CF patients. Personally, I think this is overreacting at its best. Yes, some precautions need to be taken, but it has been blown totally out of proportion. I am writing this because the other night at Concert on the Square I held Trinity. Her mom handed her over to me, and we were talking and then she told me that Trinity has CF. I asked if I should take precautions and her mom said that it was okay for me to interact with her - and I feel that as long as the parent says it's okay, it's okay with me. And I did her chest pt - and it was a nice break for the parents. They have three children under three and two of them have CF. They have a 3-year-old with CF, an 18-month-old without, and Trinity, 2-months-old, with CF. If any family needs a break it's this one. I have always wanted to work with CF kids - and I know how much the CF Foundation would have nothin
Read more

Abuse

 Abuse. This is going to be long, but it’s important.   If you only read the beginning, I want you to know:   If you are a survivor of abuse, or going through an abusive situation, you are not the abuse.   You don’t have to let it define you, and while it’s hard to move on, you can.   I want to end the stigma for abuse victims – which is why I’m writing this.   I want there to be stigma for the abusers, not the abused.   I need to practice saying, “My mother is abusive.” I don’t know why it still hurts so much so long after it happened.   I know she still hates me.   My dad has to be careful mentioning me to my mom or she’ll flip out.   Why does it bother me so much that someone who could be so awful to me doesn’t like me?               A few days ago – January 10 th , a memory popped up of a note I had typed in 2008.   The gist is, I was sick.   My mom was staying with me and I was doing home IVs.   Keep in mind I was 21 when this happened.   I packed and took my 9pm IV dose w
Read more

Social Media Break

Today, on Facebook I posted, "I want to delete my social media apps for the entire month of October, or until I'm feeling better, but I know I'll never be able to do it.  I rely on photos of friends' kiddos and food and sewing projects to keep my spirits up, and I worry about my CF and Transplant friends, and I want to stay in touch with everyone.  I want to encourage my friends who are also going through tough things and just be there to support anyone who needs a supportive ear.  So I won't delete my social media, but I won't be monitoring it as closely.  I'll be limiting my time spent scrolling, and I'll avoid all the political articles.  Go to my blog for the longer explanation of how I'm doing."  Yesterday was “Mean Girls” Day, October 3 rd , and George suggested we watch it.   I know he wanted to cheer me up and help, but I got sucked into the internet – again – and ended up binging on articles about PTSD.   I read about PTSD and chronic
Read more