Friday, February 20, 2009

The Thinks I Think

I think lots of thinks. And sometimes my thinks get all kinked and then it's hard for me to think.

This is one of my favorite montages ever. It was made by the mother of a little girl with CF. The mom is an amazing person. She and I email regularly and I love the advice and hope she gives me, and I only hope that in seeing me still alive at 22 it gives her some hope for her little girl. I may be sick, but the road for Emily hopefully will have fewer bumps. More treatments to lengthen the life of a sweet little girl.

I think that if you are conflicted at all about the Great Strides walk or the need to raise money for Cystic Fibrosis Research, just watch this montage and you will see the pain this disease causes.

I wish I could do an entire montage to show you how much pain my parents have been through. I wish I had photos of them when I have been in the hospital, when they are arguing with doctors trying to get me the best care. I wish I had a recording of my favorite teacher telling a student that she knew something was wrong because my brother wasn't participating in class anymore. That happened the week I almost died because of a botched surgery. I wish I could play for you the frantic call my mother made to my father because she thought I was dying. She thought that was the last day she would spend with me - and I was fading in and out of consciousness.

I wish you knew about all the conversations I have had with my Sarah Lynn about my death, or the pain she goes through being my best friend. I wish you could hear all the mean things people have said to her about me and about how soon my life is going to end.

I wish I could make a brutally honest montage - one that would make you feel the pain this disease causes. The pain I felt every time I have lost a friend to CF. Every time I put on a nice black outfit and go to a memorial service for someone who died before she or he turned 30. I wish you could know what it feels like to know that the odds aren't in your favor and because of an economic downturn the foundation you count on is cutting research dollars. You hope and pray for research, and then they have to cut the funding. They may as well cut off a little piece of the hearts that care for someone with CF. ...unless we do something about it.

And that's why I'm fighting so hard this year to raise more than four times the amount of money I raised for the CF Foundation last year. I want that research.

View this montage created at One True Media
Emily - Our Sunshine

I want Emily to live a long and happy life. Here's to Emily.


BreathinSteven said...

OK... So I'll admit that when I hit your post, I scrolled down and saw the link to your slideshow about Emily... On the way down, "This is one of my favorite montages ever" caught my eye -- but I initially neglected the rest of your post. Sometimes I do that when there are pictures. All the pretty colors...

It is a truly beautiful montage, Carla... For some reason when I lit it up, I figured it was a niece or something -- you had me grinning from ear to ear -- Emily is absolutely beautiful!

Then I hit the 1:35 mark... I thought, "Uh oh... Where is this going..." Then I hit the 1:42 mark and started to cry... And continued until the 5:33 mark wavering between tears and smiles -- but that's how it is with so many of us...

It's a beautiful montage, Carla... The second half lets so many people know a little about what CF is about -- but it never takes away from Emily's beauty...

I'm proud of you for doing this -- it must have taken quite an effort and the effor was well worth it... Your post is very meaningful too. Most people have no clue what this is all about -- there are only 30,000 of us in the United States among the 300,000,000 people here... You gave them a picture of some of our concerns...

Thanks for thinking lots of thinks...



CFlover said...

After my tears I have to post how very true this is.
There are so many times I wish "real" moments could be caught.

You are wonderful!!

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