Monday, February 11, 2008

Call Me a Masochist

I'm happiest when my feet hurt. When there are giant blisters, hard calluses and I can no longer walk because of the pain, I am happy. I love the exhaustion. I just love everything that comes with my dancing.

I love the social dancing, the drilling practices, the lessons. I love everything about ballroom dance. I'm not sure where or what day this post will say, as it's taken me several days to think about it and finally write it down, but I went to my team dance lesson on Saturday afternoon, then Saturday night I went to the social ballroom club I belong to.

There weren't many people at the club dance - UWMBDA is the club - because of the weather and various other reasons, but I still had a blast! I love my friends that I go dancing with, and I love meeting new people and working the table. I just love it all.

I came home from dancing early because I had to do my IVs, but I was so happy when I got home! Dancing makes me want to dance around and spin and I'm just dizzy with happiness. It's my passion. There are three big things I am passionate about in my life right now: Dance, writing, and doing stuff for the CF Foundation (like trying to get other CF support groups going and talking to CFers and parents... but that's another entry).

All three of those things are good for my health in different ways - the writing helps me emotionally, as does helping other CFers and getting support groups started. But the dancing - the dancing keeps me physically healthy. I love to push myself hard when I dance. I want to open those airways and I want to breathe deeply!

The exercise and socialization I get from dancing is priceless. Last summer I tried very hard to exercise. I started out running. I would run to the end of the block and back, but I never made any progress. I just felt like the idiot who would run daily to the end of the block and back. It was so quick and it was over. Plus it was boring.

I don't like walking because I'm by myself. I will walk to the ends of the earth if I have someone to talk to, but usually it's just me trying to walk for exercise.

I tried bike riding. My boyfriend at the time was big into trying to find me a way to exercise and big into bicycles. The first time we went for a bike ride we were downtown Madison, and I hadn't been on a bike in about 8 years. It was a disaster. When I finally felt like I might not die on the bike, we had ridden so far that I didn't want to turn around and ride back.

This happened a second time. He said that we should ride our bikes and go play tennis. I said okay because he convinced me that it was a short bike ride. We got "almost there" as he put it, and my lungs stopped working. I couldn't breathe and we were on a bike path - and I was terrified. I started crying. It was awful. I rested for awhile and eventually rode home and we took a short cut through the woods and he carried both the bikes so I could just concentrate on walking - but that was the last time we tried bike riding. The rest of the summer the bike just sat in my dining room, and now it's in storage, where it will probably stay for all of this summer.

Dancing is different. If I'm tired I can quit in the middle of a song and sit and no one cares. I can sit for an minute or an hour - whatever I need. I think it is the most wonderful form of exercise- I never get bored, and I never am too far from home that I start to cry. I cry if I'm too sick to go dancing. Hopefully I'll be able to dance and keep healthy!

It's now time for me to go to dance practice!

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