Evening Thinklings

*My dad is a wonderful person. He gets me and knows how to help and why can't he live closer to me??? And why can't my mother live farther away???

*I'm thinking of a family friend who is in critical condition at a hospital in Austin, TX. Her mother is one of the best female role models I had growing up - especially in high school. If you're the praying type, please pray for this family. They are really good people, and I've known them since I was born.

*I have a friend who is the coolest chick I know. She oozes coolness, and I'm kinda jealous. Not kinda jealous - really jealous. I was going to write a long essay on this - about how no matter what I do, I just don't FEEL cool enough. I think I picked this complex up in elementary school.

*I'm tired. And yes, I'm physically tired, but that's pretty normal. But right now, I'm EXHAUSTED. And it won't go away. I was so happy post-surgery when I was getting shit done and dancing and being social. And now all that kind of collapsed into me on the couch or in bed watching TV and not doing much else - except sleeping horrible amounts.

*I wish I had someone here with me. I hate being alone when I'm sick.

*This was not what I signed up for - I can handle my CF and things related. I've had 20 years to adjust to that. I can't handle this pelvic pain crap. It's so limiting. JESUS. I thought CF could be limiting - but nothing like this. I bounce back so quickly from my CF stuff - I just know how to do it. I don't know what to do, and the doctors don't know what to do. All I can do is sit and wait. And that pisses me off.

*And the world pisses me off. I'm just way too frustrated to say anything good about anything.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CF Contact

Image
Me and Trinity: What a cutie! Chest PT on a baby: The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation discourages any contact among CF patients. Personally, I think this is overreacting at its best. Yes, some precautions need to be taken, but it has been blown totally out of proportion. I am writing this because the other night at Concert on the Square I held Trinity. Her mom handed her over to me, and we were talking and then she told me that Trinity has CF. I asked if I should take precautions and her mom said that it was okay for me to interact with her - and I feel that as long as the parent says it's okay, it's okay with me. And I did her chest pt - and it was a nice break for the parents. They have three children under three and two of them have CF. They have a 3-year-old with CF, an 18-month-old without, and Trinity, 2-months-old, with CF. If any family needs a break it's this one. I have always wanted to work with CF kids - and I know how much the CF Foundation would have nothin
Read more

Abuse

 Abuse. This is going to be long, but it’s important.   If you only read the beginning, I want you to know:   If you are a survivor of abuse, or going through an abusive situation, you are not the abuse.   You don’t have to let it define you, and while it’s hard to move on, you can.   I want to end the stigma for abuse victims – which is why I’m writing this.   I want there to be stigma for the abusers, not the abused.   I need to practice saying, “My mother is abusive.” I don’t know why it still hurts so much so long after it happened.   I know she still hates me.   My dad has to be careful mentioning me to my mom or she’ll flip out.   Why does it bother me so much that someone who could be so awful to me doesn’t like me?               A few days ago – January 10 th , a memory popped up of a note I had typed in 2008.   The gist is, I was sick.   My mom was staying with me and I was doing home IVs.   Keep in mind I was 21 when this happened.   I packed and took my 9pm IV dose w
Read more

Social Media Break

Today, on Facebook I posted, "I want to delete my social media apps for the entire month of October, or until I'm feeling better, but I know I'll never be able to do it.  I rely on photos of friends' kiddos and food and sewing projects to keep my spirits up, and I worry about my CF and Transplant friends, and I want to stay in touch with everyone.  I want to encourage my friends who are also going through tough things and just be there to support anyone who needs a supportive ear.  So I won't delete my social media, but I won't be monitoring it as closely.  I'll be limiting my time spent scrolling, and I'll avoid all the political articles.  Go to my blog for the longer explanation of how I'm doing."  Yesterday was “Mean Girls” Day, October 3 rd , and George suggested we watch it.   I know he wanted to cheer me up and help, but I got sucked into the internet – again – and ended up binging on articles about PTSD.   I read about PTSD and chronic
Read more