Sunday, September 21, 2008

Evening Thinklings

*My dad is a wonderful person. He gets me and knows how to help and why can't he live closer to me??? And why can't my mother live farther away???

*I'm thinking of a family friend who is in critical condition at a hospital in Austin, TX. Her mother is one of the best female role models I had growing up - especially in high school. If you're the praying type, please pray for this family. They are really good people, and I've known them since I was born.

*I have a friend who is the coolest chick I know. She oozes coolness, and I'm kinda jealous. Not kinda jealous - really jealous. I was going to write a long essay on this - about how no matter what I do, I just don't FEEL cool enough. I think I picked this complex up in elementary school.

*I'm tired. And yes, I'm physically tired, but that's pretty normal. But right now, I'm EXHAUSTED. And it won't go away. I was so happy post-surgery when I was getting shit done and dancing and being social. And now all that kind of collapsed into me on the couch or in bed watching TV and not doing much else - except sleeping horrible amounts.

*I wish I had someone here with me. I hate being alone when I'm sick.

*This was not what I signed up for - I can handle my CF and things related. I've had 20 years to adjust to that. I can't handle this pelvic pain crap. It's so limiting. JESUS. I thought CF could be limiting - but nothing like this. I bounce back so quickly from my CF stuff - I just know how to do it. I don't know what to do, and the doctors don't know what to do. All I can do is sit and wait. And that pisses me off.

*And the world pisses me off. I'm just way too frustrated to say anything good about anything.

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