Today I got to help sort through my recently deceased friend's things. I got to know another friend with CF better. It made me never want to loose touch with anyone because the minute you do they could be gone.
Today I talked to one of my favorite people to talk to and I realized again how lucky I am - and that I hate to take any moment in life for granted. I'm going to go out and grab anything and everything I can.
I'm going to finish my book this spring - and start work on a 2nd. I have the idea. I know what I'm doing. It should be fabulous.
All of this reflection made me then write this note to a friend:
"so you're totally welcome to come over tomorrow - or today if it's already monday - but I know I probably sounded like I was joking about the unpacking, but I wasn't.
I am a person who doesn't like to ask for help but who desperately needs it. I no longer stand when I do my hair and makeup. sometimes I don't even stand when i shower - I just don't have that much energy. And all the crap from my trip to my parents place has invaded my living room and will stay there until some nice person helps me move it. My brother was nice enough to load all my dirty laundry and things into my car to go to my parents place - but he can't be here now to help me put away the laundry that is now clean because my mother did it for me.
My friends need to be willing to help me and I have realized that I need to be able to ask for help without feeling guilty - so, yeah. This is all part of me coming to terms with my CF and being able to get sicker and still do the things I want to do - like have a clean, organized house and write my book and still spend time with friends. Sometimes, that time with friends is going to have to be while they are helping me out. That's just the way it is.
That was my long-winded way of saying, be a nice guy and help me out. Or be a douche bag and don't come over. "
So those are the things I thought today.