Sunday, October 12, 2008

The List of Things I Don't Want to Think About

* My mother. I don't want to have to think about dealing with her, or avoiding her, or the fact that she will continue to do the same bullshit over and over and I will never escape.

*My friends - or the story of why I always feel awkward. I never feel like I can talk about everything because I'm screwed up and don't want to bring the conversation down.

*The pain. I don't want to think that in two more months I have to try different things to see if they help the pain.

*The muscle pain. The fact that my back is killing me. Let's ignore that.

*The picking. Let's not talk about how I'm picking again and I'm over stressed and feel like I've lost control.

*The cleaning. My house is a little cleaner. My bed is made. My bathroom is clean. I did a little dusting. But there is so much more to do. The sorting and the organizing and the crap that causes muscle pain.

*The dancing. Let's not talk about how I can't, and how I have no idea when I'll be able to again.

*The strange lesions that have returned. FUCK YOU, LESIONS, FUCK YOU. Something I should probably see a doctor for, but I'm boycotting doctors - except for my therapist. Because I clearly need a week in therapy boot-camp.

*Feeling like I don't belong anywhere.

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