This may be volume three or four of the "You don't have to fix me" series, but let's just call it number two.
The other day I ranted about some friends I've barely seen since I came home from Europe - and I was indicating one person in particular, and she knew it. Today she invited me to dinner on Thursday, and I accepted. Then I read her writings online and she wrote that being my friend felt like a burden.
She said that we don't agree - and I am perfectly happy not agreeing with everyone - and that this last incident was the last straw (um, I guess the last incident would be the me feeling betrayed because I see my friends on the dance team staying with the dance team as betraying me... ).
You know what... this is going to piss her off, but I don't care. This is what she said,
"My friend's birthday was last week. I feel like I have done more, gone to see her at least. But the thing is we are not exactly on the same terms we once were. Our views on certain issues, such as the dance team, depression, boys, etc. don't exactly match anymore. I can't take the pressure, the expectations. It doesn't always feel like a friendship to me anymore, it feels more like a burden most of the time. I love being around her most of the time, I miss her being on the team, and I want to be her friend, but I since this last incident.....I can't handle being blamed for everything. It is too stressful. I hate leaving her out in the cold, and lessening our friendship but I don't know what else to do. Self preservation is all I have left. There comes a time when you just plain figure out that you can't help someone, and your efforts have to stop. "
I really enjoy the part about our views on certain things... I've always had the same views - maybe it is her views that have changed. Yes, my view of the dance team changed MAINLY BECAUSE I GOT KICKED OFF. AND IT WAS A BIG FUCKING DEAL - still is.
I never have asked anyone to "FIX" me. This is ridiculous. I never blamed her for anything - it's her problem if she sees it that way. And about her missing me being on the team... what fucking bullshit. She asked me to push for changes, and I did. Look where it got me. Okay, so maybe I will blame her for that - but she wasn't the only one to ask for the changes, nor was she the one who kicked me off the team. So it's not her fault.
Seriously? This is how you feel? Then why did you invite me to dinner? Why bother?
More importantly, why should I bother?
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