Monday, August 4, 2008

You Don't Have to Fix Me vol. 2

This may be volume three or four of the "You don't have to fix me" series, but let's just call it number two.

The other day I ranted about some friends I've barely seen since I came home from Europe - and I was indicating one person in particular, and she knew it. Today she invited me to dinner on Thursday, and I accepted. Then I read her writings online and she wrote that being my friend felt like a burden.

She said that we don't agree - and I am perfectly happy not agreeing with everyone - and that this last incident was the last straw (um, I guess the last incident would be the me feeling betrayed because I see my friends on the dance team staying with the dance team as betraying me... ).

You know what... this is going to piss her off, but I don't care. This is what she said,

"My friend's birthday was last week. I feel like I have done more, gone to see her at least. But the thing is we are not exactly on the same terms we once were. Our views on certain issues, such as the dance team, depression, boys, etc. don't exactly match anymore. I can't take the pressure, the expectations. It doesn't always feel like a friendship to me anymore, it feels more like a burden most of the time. I love being around her most of the time, I miss her being on the team, and I want to be her friend, but I since this last incident.....I can't handle being blamed for everything. It is too stressful. I hate leaving her out in the cold, and lessening our friendship but I don't know what else to do. Self preservation is all I have left. There comes a time when you just plain figure out that you can't help someone, and your efforts have to stop. "

I really enjoy the part about our views on certain things... I've always had the same views - maybe it is her views that have changed. Yes, my view of the dance team changed MAINLY BECAUSE I GOT KICKED OFF. AND IT WAS A BIG FUCKING DEAL - still is.

I never have asked anyone to "FIX" me. This is ridiculous. I never blamed her for anything - it's her problem if she sees it that way. And about her missing me being on the team... what fucking bullshit. She asked me to push for changes, and I did. Look where it got me. Okay, so maybe I will blame her for that - but she wasn't the only one to ask for the changes, nor was she the one who kicked me off the team. So it's not her fault.

Seriously? This is how you feel? Then why did you invite me to dinner? Why bother?

More importantly, why should I bother?


gracefulinsight said...

i invited you to dinner b/c I actually missed hanging with you and thought that we were still friends. I haven't been around much b/c you seemed upset and I didn't want to get in the middle of it again.

Yes you blame me:

When you got kicked off the team: you blamed me and we fought

When noone else on the team including me didn't leave b/c you were kicked off: you blamed me and we fought

When I was taking private lessons: we fought and you blamed me

When I took over your position on the team b/c it fell into my lap and noone else was doing it: you blamed me and we fought

Don't get me started on the boy situation

You publicly slander my on your blog repeatedly instead of just talking to me about it. I don't know what to say to you anymore for fear of touching on to something that might make you angry and blame me again and we fight. I'm walking on eggshells here. That is no way to be a friend. And what you did right now is not demonstrating a very good way of being a friend either.

I won't be publicly slandered on your blog repeatedly, we have talked about this. I am willing to walk to the ends of the earth, support you and be your friend. I have been nothing but there for you since I have known you. And I feel like I have gotten nothing in return but blame and anger for things that are out of my control.

gracefulinsight said...

And why should you bother:

Who came to see you repeatedly in the hospital, and brought you food, coloring books and Grey's anatomy and asked YOU to help HER with grammer stuff.

Who was there for you the night that you were really super depressed and I dropped all my plans and got in the car with you so I could sit and listen to your problems?

I have been there for you every time that you have needed me. I have hung out with you and invited you to events like any good friend should. I have read your blog and stepped aside even when you bash me on it.

I have continued to back you up and defend you on the dance team. I still talk about you when i'm there and we all still want to be your friend.

I do miss you being on the team. If you don't believe that then fine.

Just remember when you are trying to figure out why to "bother"....who you "chose" to be your friend the moment I walked in the door that first day at practice.

C. said...

Why does it feel like you seem to think she owes you something for being a friend? Why do you feel the need to fix her?

Some of the situations described here show how true of a friend you have been. Showing up to the hospital is not so hard. Standing up to the creep that kicked her off the team without authority is spineless. Continuing to take lessons with the creep is even lower.

And you think that the thing with the boy is okay? It really isn't. I think Carla has been holding on to your friendship since you started dating boy because she really needs a good friend, and you were it. Unfortunately, I think she was misguided. What you did with boy deserves nothing - no friendship at all. I think most people would have dumped you right away.

Dancing65Roses said...

Hm. I'll just respond here quickly. I didn't blame anyone but DeAnna and Dakota for me getting kicked off the team.

Um, who else was I supposed to blame when I was upset that you didn't leave the team? Who else was to blame when I was upset when you took lessons from Dakota? Um, hon, YOU did those things.

I am not committing slander - I am saying what happened. I am stating what was written about me and making comments on it. Slander is saying things that aren't true.

About that ONE time when I was depressed - yep, one time out of years that I was depressed. Not that I didn't appreciate it, because I did. I remember all the things you've done and all the fun we've had and that's why I'm holding on to this friendship.

I have a right to be upset about bad things/situations that I am in. If you're on the other end of them, maybe give me some time to get over it. Don't give me all this bullshit.

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