Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Friends

So I'm here, and I'm dealing with depression. And in this state I also have a lot of anxiety and fear - not fear of anything I should be afraid of - like serial killers or the boogey man, but irrational fears. Fears like that my friends don't like me since I've been back from Europe.

I know that everyone is busy - and that's fine with me. I just guess I haven't seen everyone enough. I know I've been gone the last two weekends and this coming weekend I have to go home on Sunday or Monday because on Tuesday my dad is having a cancerous thing removed from his eyelid.

When my dad first emailed my brother and told him that he had cancer, my brother replied, "Could you refill my meds." Yeah, my brother is really caring like that. I, on the other hand, have been freaking out. I know my dad has had lots of skin cancer removed - but this is something a little bigger on his eyelid - and they have to do re-constructive surgery to put his eyelid back together. My mother has to drive him around, so I'm going to stay with the dog.

But all this has made me think about a lot of things. Maybe it's the depression that's been making me think.

The one thing that's bothering me most is some of my really great friends went away for the 4th weekend and I wasn't invited. And maybe I'll regret typing that. I probably would have decided to go home anyways - it was Wimbelton and my mom and I always watch the finals together. Plus it was my brother's last weekend before camp - and he'll be gone for 7 weeks. But I wasn't invited, and maybe I'm just making a huge deal out of this - but I've known these people for a long time, and someone who hasn't known them as long was invited. ARG. That shouldn't bother me. I know they read this.

This is the depression talking... I need to stop.

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