Okay, to be fair, I had an opportunity to go to a dance workshop this evening - but I decided not to. I decided not to because 1. I didn't know if I was ready to dance yet, and 2. I decided to have dinner with a best friend instead.
Now on to what I wanted to say. I miss dancing. Like really, really miss my dancing. I miss the team and the lessons and especially the Tuesday practices. I miss the team - the people. I miss my friends. I miss having something to do always on Saturday afternoons and Tuesday evenings.
I lost a huge part of my life. And I think I just have to accept it somehow. Right now I don't know how to do that. And I know some of the crazy stuff I've been doing - not just crazy, but self-destructive things - are because I am desperately looking for something to fill the void that dancing filled for me.
The last time I felt this sad and empty and was searching for something I moved to Madison. Maybe this time I should move to Europe. I am redecorating the house because of this void - I know that. I'm even considering rearranging my bedroom furniture because it's been several nights now and I still can't bring myself to sleep in that bed. I'm still sleeping in the den.
I'm so screwed up from this whole being kicked off the team thing.
Wow. Someone fix me please.
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