Wednesday, July 9, 2008

My Poor Broken Little Heart

My heart is broken. I was in love with the DanceSport team, and my heart was stomped on and thrown aside. Not to mention I'm not dancing this summer except for UWMBDA - so I don't have my dancing 3 times a week to get me out of the house - to keep me exercising, to keep me a little more healthy. I didn't just lose some dancing - I lost pretty much my entire life.

I keep having the urge to move in with my parents for the summer because when I'm at their place I'm not reminded as often that my life is over. Every time I am reminded that I am not dancing my heart breaks.

This afternoon I was reminded that the team is still having Tuesday practices - and it broke my heart. I want to be dancing. I want to be with those people. Then later my friend told me that she and another team member are starting private lessons next week - and I almost started to cry. Then she told me two of my other favorite people on the team might join her and the guy, but she didn't know - and I did cry.

When I was kicked off the team (see the wonderful email I received in Europe officially kicking me off the team... it's at the end of this rant) I didn't have any chance to defend myself. I was out of the country. And to begin with - I was representing the ideas of my teammates and addressing their concerns. And I got kicked off for standing up for the people I was elected to represent.

I'm just so crushed. I don't even know how to function. I'm scared to even hang out with members of the team because it hurts so much that they didn't stand up for me when my standing up for them got me kicked off the team. It hurts that they still are okay enough with him to take dance lessons with him - to be in the same room as him. I feel like I've been punched every time anything about DS comes up.

I was just getting to the point where the words Dakota (yeah, that's his name - I could do a whole comedy essay about that man, but I'm not in the mood - and I might get sued for slander, despite the fact it's all true) sent me weren't always ringing in my head. Now the fact that some of my closest friends sided with the team that sent me off as an outcast is burning a place in my brain.

What do I do?

Here's the fantastic surprise I got in my inbox in Europe... and I'm STILL really pissed that I never got to defend myself, I never actually spoke to Dakota, and all he heard was spin and read an email I sent that was essentially harmless - sent in a bit of anger, but nothing horrible. Here's the email:

"Hello Carla,
After reading your correspondence, I refer to that loosely; I would like to say that you are not knowledgeable enough about the team politics or dancing for that matter, to have an informed opinion on team business.
You remind me of the whining, devisive team members of the past that I asked to find a new home! You have shown your true colors of disrespect, and lack of moral fiber and character by going behind my back and creating dissent to anyone who will listen to your self important meanderings.
The fact of the matter is the other teams were formed because they wanted to be in control of their own little click as you are exhibiting. I say God bless you! But I think it's totally laughable that you, as well as they, think they are in a position to tell a professional with 5 National titles and proven credentials as well as buisiness ownerfor over20 years how to better run a team.
Those entities exist only because of my tuteledge!!! How arrogant of you to act as if you can even hold an intelligent conversation about dance or administration of team building. You obviously lack the maturity or even common sense to know that if you have a grievance, you could at least have the intestinal fortitude to talk to me first before spreading your poison.
I wil not address anymore of this nonsense and self important issues you have formulated with past cry babies of other teams. At this time you may find your destiny in dancing elsewhere, and any other of your loyal followers may do the same. I've had too much success in my career to be bothered by people who have issues with authority and want to place blame on others instead of taking responsibilityfor their own laziness!!!!

Best of luck to you though, Dakota

In case it's not clear you are no longer welcome in my studio !"


Chris S. said...

Repeat after me: DW is a dick!

We aren't dancing as much either, with the pregnancy in the third trimester. Just think, this Fall, you'll be dancing with a new team and you'll have a little person to help take care of! : )

Anonymous said...

We DID NOT outcast you. And yes what he said to you was horrible and slightly unjustified. Everyone on the team still wants to hang out with you and wants to dance with you. I'm sorry that you are sad, but your life is NOT over because you are not on dancesport. Dancesport is not the be all end all of dance, you are a wonderful dancer, you will soon join BBDT and your life will pick up again.

Until then, you and me can get together and dance around the freaking room if you want, but your life is not over. Your friends still love you.


Jen said...

I don't want to sound rude or insensitive when I type this....but maybe you should get a part time job. It will get you out of the house and meeting new people and maybe if you had something to look forward to and something you could be proud of (being an active member of society)you would feel better. I have worked at a bank for 5 years and I LOVE it. Before that I was in school at night (I only have my AA) and babysat my best friends kid during the day.

I don't know...I just know that once I got my job I felt better about myself and like a "real" grown-up. Plus you would have your own spending money and could maybe get those private dance lessons that you want. Whatever you decide to do, hopefully you feel better soon! Hopefully I didn't offend you writing this...sorry if I did.

Matt Todd said...

For having "20 years of experience" she handled that rather unprofessionally. Sounds like she's the one that son her high horse and is the arrogant one. Sounds like the typical person who's won a few titles and think they're the shit and that they know all and everyone else is dumber than them.

Perhaps you should find yourself a new hobby. Something like photography might be good for you. I seem to remember in past posts that you enjoyed taking pictures of stuff. Maybe pick a word or subject or topic before you leave home and then go out and try to find things to take pictures of that would fit what you picked. Make it your own little photo assignment. It would be a fun way to get out and get your mind off of things. And if you do it right it wouldn't require too much walking. If i can do it you probably could too.

Chris S. said...

I wouldn't give up dancing, and I know you won't. But you could volunteer at Olbrich and take lots of pictures!

gahitstoni said...

I disagree with Jen. I understand that losing insurance is not an option with all we have to go through. I just recently found out that I can have a job with my social security, and I didn't know that before. But to lose insurance entirely just for having a part time job (I think that's what you said in a later post) is really not an option. If you were to get a job, get a full time one so you can get insurance through them and be making a living. I know you could do it Carla.

Also, I think I know how you feel about dancing. It isn't the end of the world though. Harry Potter is my life, and when the series was over, I thought it was the end of my world, but I have so much good that came out of it that I know it was something I will never forget. Stupid comparison, but true.

Oh, and I think he meant to say 'clique', not click. What a dumbass.

My Blog List

Site Meter