Cystic Fibrosis is not fair. It's just not fair. I'm not talking about me, because right now, I am fine. I am not currently suffering from my depression (I say not currently because I firmly believe that it will always be there - and I need the meds to correct the imbalance in my brain. I have gone through things I have written - mostly emails to my father - and I have seen how depressed I have been for more than a year. I talked about giving up, and not wanting to live anymore and not understanding why I was in so much pain). I have CF, but am doing what I am supposed to do to stay as healthy as possible. I will have my sinus surgery in August (the 22nd) and then spend some time in the hospital, which is okay with me. After surgery I will go back to dancing.
Right now I have my pseudo-job (which, again, sorry, but I refuse to talk about it. It's not really a job - but I really can't talk about it) and my friends and my place that I am reorganizing, so I'm good.
But this seven-year-old, Garran, has CF and is so much sicker than I am. He is going through things that I never imagined could happen before transplant. (See previous post where I talk about Gina, or Pepe, a little bit - she shouldn't have to face these things, either.)
It's just not fair. I would rather go through these things for them. I would rather it all be on me - so that no one else has to suffer. No seven-year-old should have to go on the transplant list. Lung transplants on average last about 5-10 years. No seven-year-old should have to deal with that. I've had 22 good years. Put me on the transplant list and let Garran live to at least 20.
This disease is awful - and I've personally learned so much from those two blogs - so much about what could happen to me, what I might have to face, and what I hopefully will never have to go through. I know people who (as far as I know) got transplants before they were so sick their lungs completely gave out. At least I hope that's not what happened to my friends. I would feel like a terrible person if they had been that sick and I didn't know.
My point is Life isn't Fair, and Life with CF is about as unfair as it gets.
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