My Poor Broken Little Heart

My heart is broken. I was in love with the DanceSport team, and my heart was stomped on and thrown aside. Not to mention I'm not dancing this summer except for UWMBDA - so I don't have my dancing 3 times a week to get me out of the house - to keep me exercising, to keep me a little more healthy. I didn't just lose some dancing - I lost pretty much my entire life.

I keep having the urge to move in with my parents for the summer because when I'm at their place I'm not reminded as often that my life is over. Every time I am reminded that I am not dancing my heart breaks.

This afternoon I was reminded that the team is still having Tuesday practices - and it broke my heart. I want to be dancing. I want to be with those people. Then later my friend told me that she and another team member are starting private lessons next week - and I almost started to cry. Then she told me two of my other favorite people on the team might join her and the guy, but she didn't know - and I did cry.

When I was kicked off the team (see the wonderful email I received in Europe officially kicking me off the team... it's at the end of this rant) I didn't have any chance to defend myself. I was out of the country. And to begin with - I was representing the ideas of my teammates and addressing their concerns. And I got kicked off for standing up for the people I was elected to represent.

I'm just so crushed. I don't even know how to function. I'm scared to even hang out with members of the team because it hurts so much that they didn't stand up for me when my standing up for them got me kicked off the team. It hurts that they still are okay enough with him to take dance lessons with him - to be in the same room as him. I feel like I've been punched every time anything about DS comes up.

I was just getting to the point where the words Dakota (yeah, that's his name - I could do a whole comedy essay about that man, but I'm not in the mood - and I might get sued for slander, despite the fact it's all true) sent me weren't always ringing in my head. Now the fact that some of my closest friends sided with the team that sent me off as an outcast is burning a place in my brain.

What do I do?

Here's the fantastic surprise I got in my inbox in Europe... and I'm STILL really pissed that I never got to defend myself, I never actually spoke to Dakota, and all he heard was spin and read an email I sent that was essentially harmless - sent in a bit of anger, but nothing horrible. Here's the email:

"Hello Carla,
                     After reading your correspondence, I refer to that loosely; I would like to say that you are not knowledgeable enough about the team politics or dancing for that matter, to have an informed opinion on team business.
                    You remind me of the whining, devisive team members of the past that I asked to find a new home!  You have shown your true colors of disrespect, and lack of moral fiber  and character by going behind my back and creating dissent to anyone who will listen to your self important meanderings.
                     The fact of the matter is the other teams were formed because they wanted to be in control of their own little click as you are exhibiting. I say God bless you! But I think it's totally laughable that you, as well as they, think they are in a position to tell a professional with 5 National titles and proven credentials as well as buisiness ownerfor over20 years how to better run a team.
                      Those entities exist only because of my tuteledge!!!   How arrogant of you to act as if you can even hold an intelligent conversation about dance or administration of team building. You obviously lack the maturity or even common sense to know that if you have a grievance, you could at least have the intestinal fortitude to talk to me first before spreading your poison.
                       I wil not address anymore of this nonsense and self important issues you have formulated with past cry babies of other teams. At this time you may find your destiny in dancing elsewhere, and any other of your loyal followers may do the same. I've had too much success in my career to be bothered by people who have issues with authority and want to place blame on others instead of taking responsibilityfor their own laziness!!!! 

    SHAME ON YOU FOR LISTENING TO THE LIES OF THE 'EXPERTS' INSTEAD OF BEING A WOMAN OF INTEGRITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                                       Best of luck to you though, Dakota
                   
  In case it's not clear you are no longer welcome in my studio !"