Sunday, March 16, 2008

Answers to my Curiosity

Note to self: Don't ever do that again. Waking up hours later because you think you heard the phone ring, and then realizing you did, and then realizing that your blood sugar has plummeted to an unusually safe and bad level is not fun.

But I did satisfy my curiosity and found out what would happen. My sleep was indeed dreamless and I woke up not crying, which is an improvement. I was also able to eat dinner without crying, so I'm up to a whole 20 minutes of awake time with no crying. Have I moved out of the "Pile of Mush" stage, right past "Angry Bitch" and into "Meh, the World Sucks, I Guess I'll Just Deal???"

I don't know. My brother yelled at me on the phone for drinking the Mountain Dews - yes I called him. I was trying to fall asleep and every other best friend I can call crying is on Spring Break. I called my brother. Crying. I'm sure he's sick of me and my crying by now, but up until now the tears wouldn't stop.

It was a crazy phenomenon. I just couldn't stop the tears. I was crying for completely unrelated reasons to last night. Crying because of the things I have to do everyday. Crying because I don't always do those things. Crying because I have bad genes, and not freshly clean sheets, and because I had nothing else to cry about. Can you say hormonal? Maybe I'm carrying the next Son of God or something because these hormones are supposed to be controlled by that pill I take every night. Although it doesn't seem to do its job - I bleed ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Seriously. Two days ago I stopped bleeding, and I thought I should throw a party it was such a monumental event. Today I started bleeding again and I cried. Because that was the action of the day. "Let's not do anything about anything, let's just cry about it and then do really - I mean REALLY - stupid things for our health." My kidneys hurt from processing all that excess sugar. And I think I have actually convinced myself that my kidneys really do hurt - maybe I should go cry about it.

Instead I think I will pop some Tylenol and go make that phone call.

2 comments:

Amanda said...

hi friend. sounds like you need a different pill. in fact, maybe not even a pill at all... sometimes we CFers don't absorb the pill properly because it has to run the gauntlet of our digestive system and besides often resulting in accidental pregnancies, it makes us CRAZY! (been there, done that...the crazy part) have you tried the nuva ring? you might ask your doc about it.

Dancing65Roses said...

Thanks. I think I'll call my gyno and bring that up - the only problem is I don't want a period at all b/c I get sooo sick during mine. Well, I can ask.

Thanks for your advice. I knew absorption was a problem - and that's why I'm on a really high dose pill - so that i guess i absorb some of it - just not enough. Yeah, and I got that CRAZY part down good.

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