Monday, March 31, 2008

Why I Hate the World

Emotional pain.

It's so much worse than any physical pain I've ever had to deal with. And believe me, I've been through my share of physical pain - pain so bad it makes me grumpy and want to throw things at people. Pain so bad that the pain the pain medication causes is tolerable compared to the pain I had in the first place. This is serious fucking physical pain I've been through.

Pain so bad that having them stick a 1 inch needle through several layers of breast tissue once a month is nothing, having blood drawn is less than nothing, and checking my blood sugar? You mean I'm supposed to feel that? This is the girl who flips fish sticks and chicken nuggets hot out of the oven with her bare hands because it doesn't hurt. I regularly shower in hot water that turns my skin the color of cooked lobster, and none of this is physical pain.

Physical pain is migraine headaches - but I can sleep through those. Physical pain is all the joints in my body hurting every single day, but that's not bad - I barely even notice that anymore.

The worst physical pain is when my sinuses are full and about to explode - literally - expanding so far that they may rupture the membranes and leak into my brain. That hurts. When that happens I need surgery, and then I'm all better. Post surgery doesn't really hurt at all - it's just such a relief.

Emotional pain sucks ass. Why do I have such a high tolerance for physical pain and am a complete wuss when it comes to emotional pain???

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