Too Many Big Spoons

I have too many big spoons. They overflow in the drawer and it bothers me. They take up more space then alloted, and that's just not fair to the rest of the silverware in the drawer.

That's not what this post is about. This post is about me getting out my frustrations with the world and my disease so I can go to bed and rest peacefully. I don't want to cry myself to sleep, so I will cry my way through writing this post and be done with it.

I'm scared to go to Italy. This is the first I have had that feeling. I'm scared about my energy and my ability to walk and that I'm probably going to see most of Italy from a seated position - in a wheelchair. At least I'm not on oxygen.

Here I go: I am going to complain about the dishes. It is a huge issue. There are so many things I am already supposed to do everyday (and boy, if I get them all in, it's a miracle), so how am I supposed to fit in filling the dishwasher? I only have so much energy, and I like to spend most of it being happy and doing fun things because, honestly, the treatments and the pouring meds and the etc. suck. They just suck .

Shit! I need to count how many weeks it has been since my port was last flushed. Okay, good. It's not THIS week, it's NEXT week that it needs to be flushed. *sigh*

I have doctors and treatments and trips to the pharmacy and I have to rinse my nose. THAT I will talk about. I guess I'm supposed to do it daily, but my cough gets worse when I do, so I don't. I do it when my sinuses start to bother me - or when I think they might be starting to bother me. I've had several ways to rinse my nose over the years - the nettie pot where I burst my eardrum once (that hurt like hell), the water pick that blew snot all over the walls (while entertaining, it also hurt like hell when the water is POUNDING MY BRAIN AGAINST MY SKULL), and now the squeeze bottle. I almost enjoy the squeeze bottle.

Almost. Of the three ways I have had to rinse my nose, it is the least horrible. And it doesn't hurt. It's almost soothing. Almost. I still have to squeeze a great deal of salt water into cavities that were not meant to hold water - or EVER have water blown into them. And then I watch the water run out the OTHER side of my nose and see the river of snot. At least the snot is no longer in my head. And then when I stop squeezing all the water rushes out both sides of my nose at the same time and I usually do a sneeze-like thing and snot gets all over the bathroom counter. God this is fun. We should make this a mandatory recess activity for children - it is THAT fun. Water parks should include the "nasal rinse" in their water rides and Disney should dedicate a whole park to nasal rinsing and the joy of SNOT.

But back to the dishes. After I have a little fun and get all my medical stuff done, there is little time left for the dishes - or the laundry. I do take the trash out when it smells, and do the dishes when they smell (if I can find enough energy that day - if not, then they sit there a few days until I find a day where I am bored and have energy - not always so easy to do). IS IT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR ME TO HAVE SOMEONE HERE AT THE END OF THE DAY TO LOAD THE DISHWASHER AND HOLD ME AND TELL ME THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY??? AND IF HE HAPPENS TO DO A LOAD OR TWO OF LAUNDRY, THAT WOULD BE GREAT - AND A LOVE OF COOKING WOULD BE WONDERFUL, BUT NOT NECESSARY - JUST THE HOLDING ME AND TELLING ME THE WORLD DOESN'T HATE ME AND THE DISHES. HE MUST DO DISHES.

I don't think I'll let another guy near me until I have confirmation that he will not only love me, but also do my dishes - even if we don't live together.

IS THAT SOOOO MUCH TO ASK FOR???

I just want someone to do the dishes. Maybe then my silverware drawer will look more balanced -if the regular spoons aren't all sitting dirty in the sink, maybe it won't look like the big spoons are hogging the drawer.