Right here in River City - With a capitol T that rhymes with D that stands for DUDE.
Dude I've got trouble. Lots and lots of trouble.
First, as if you didn't notice, I'm having a bit of trouble with a couple of friends of mine. It mainly has to do with the fact that I can't find a guy who wants to be supportive of my CF - they are all scared as hell (except Chris - from now on in my blog, when I generalize about the male species I am talking about everyone except Chris, and sometimes Dad and Darin because they too are acceptable as male species).
But in reality, Dad and Darin don't count as part of the rest of the male species - Darin is Gay, so therefore he's almost a girl anyways. He's a feminist at heart and knows my CF and what I've been through. Hell, he's had to live alone during high school because my parents had to take care of their dying daughter (I lived, by the way, in case you were wondering). And Dad, he's a Jedi. He is so wise he is no longer part of the common male species. I think he's getting tired of talking to me about 15 times a day, but I need him. I hate to say this, but he's so much better at dealing with my depression than Mom. And I think I'm hurting Mom's feelings because of this, but it's not that I don't want to talk to Mom, because I do - tonight I wanted to tell her about my shiny new shoes, but she was asleep. I can just feel the anger in the air, despite the fact that she lives hours away. Now I'm going to have to deal with an angry mother. Joy of Joys.
And if you would like to know the latest decision - I have decided to keep Girl as a friend - a best friend - because she is so willing to listen to me get upset over and over and we start out angry every time and end up not angry - like all is right with the world. And because of her, Rachel, Ashley and Sarah Lynn I'm going to build an all-female compound and live with the people who really support me. I guess Dad and Darin and Chris could come visit - hell they could live there too, but no other males. I haven't found anyone else willing to deal with my CF - and until that changes, in my mind I am living in sin with my best friends on a compound.
And Boy and I are not friends - maybe someday we'll be friends again, but not now. He has shown no real interest in supporting me and my CF - he says he will "as a friend" but he doesn't get it. He just Doesn't Get It. And I'm tired of people not getting it. I'm not going to settle for anything less then real support - people I can count on when I'm upset because Oscar the dog fell on his face on the sidewalk. If I can call you up and leave you a voice mail about anything then you are my friend.
Tonight I made it to the dance. Someone wise told me I should go and I listened. I didn't dance one dance - not one. When I got there I learned the council had a "situation" to deal with. And as a council member I helped deal with it. But it is no longer a "situation" - it is a "BIG FUCKING DEAL." So much so that I want to MAIM one of the parties involved.
Why don't guys see girls as people. People who have feelings and are not just toys to be pushed around? I am so angry about this situation you have no idea. I can't really talk about it, but if I could there would be no lowercase letters. It would be all uppercase and I would make it a BIG font.
You think I'm angry when I get hurt??? Hurt one of my good friends and see what happens to you. I am VERY over protective of my friends. I was crying tonight because I don't want Boy to hurt Girl and that's why I'm mad they are together. If he hurt me, what's stopping him from hurting her??? And castration with a carrot peeler gets old after awhile. Although I'll never forget the look on THE BASTARD's face when I brought that up in history class.
I got Trouble. Right here in River City. And man do I wish it were just a pool table.
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