Momma's Got A Brand New Ride

A while ago my brand new ride arrived. In a box. Via Fedex. My new ride is shiny and red, and we could have paid extra to get it equipped with a cup holder.

My new ride is a wheelchair. We bought it for Italy so I can not waste so much energy on that stupid walking - that, and so I won't have to yell, "Fools! Slow the fuck down!" Because both my brother and my dad are terrible at remembering that I am slow. And now I'm even slower now then the last time we traveled, and they have always sucked at this, so I figure if they are pushing me I'll just have a big gush of wind in my face all the time and my hair will look like shit in all the photos.

My mom was very anti-wheelchair, but now that it has arrived she keeps saying things like, "we should take your wheel chair and push you around Disney World" and "we should take your wheel chair and push you around the botanical gardens!" And I want to say, You know I can still walk, right? Not as fast as you, but I can still walk and walking is better for me than riding. Yes, I'll be doing a lot of riding in Italy, but that's because I don't have the energy to do long days AND walk all over hell and creation.

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