Saturday, April 26, 2008

More ranting and Praising the people who comment.







See... I can say WHATEVER I WANT. Don't read it if you don't like it.

I, much like Fox News am completely biased and tell things the way I want the world to see them. It's called spin. I spin things my way, and that's how it's done.

Boy sent me an email. I laughed. It said, among other things, "noticed you left practice early today. are you doing okay?" NO I AM NOT OKAY, DAMNIT!!! I am agreeing with my the comments I've received - that friends wouldn't have done this to me. This is my spin, damnit. And I'm going to say whatever I want and it's going to feel AMAZING...

I am not going to try to be friends with Boy. It's my life and hopefully he will stay the fuck away until I say otherwise. Like Billy Joel says, "It's my life, Leave me alone." I'm torn whether or not to try and save a friendship with Girl. I don't understand how she could do this to me, but at the same time I love her to death and don't feel like I can give up her support because I'm so lonely. We got along so well until this. But if she did this, what else will she do to hurt me? Can I really count on her?

And now on to my ode to comments. Here are the favorites of the comments I've received:

From Anon.
"It really is none of my business...I realize this, but neither Girl nor Boy are your friend! Feeling the way that you do you must eliminate negativity from around you so that you can focus on getting/feeling well. You don't need to be hearing about Girl and Boy hanging out! My experience with depression is 1) Meds take a while, and sometimes a little "tweaking" is necessary. 2) One hour at a time will lead to one day at a time until you are ok
3) Have people around you that uplift you instead of cause you saddness...atleast for now....
Again, I repeat, none of my business-don't mean any harm by my words, just hoping my coping might help your coping. "

Thank you... I know my meds need to be turned up a bit. It's a long process and I like the hour by hour thing. It works for me.

From Chris S.
"I agree with anonymous. Friends don't do that kind of stuff to you. I know you know better people and they could be better friends.

I don't think you're controlling. You have some self-respect, unlike other people, and you stick up for yourself. I agree with what you say about demanding what's right for you. You deserve it. Just because others don't have the same self-respect and they don't know what that's like doesn't mean you are controlling. It's the same with you mom. She thinks you're controlling. It's not that. See above.

"Demands of support"?! That's bullshit! Any decent friend would just BE there for you, and you wouldn't have to say anything!

I don't think you should get back together with the bike riding bozo. I don't like him, and I haven't even met him. You can find someone better. He's just not going to respect you.

Gosh, I get so pissed when people treat you like this! WTF is with them! ARG!

And write whatever you want! This is your blog, and no one is forced to read it! "

Do you see why he is one of my favorite people on the planet??? Bike riding Bozo!!! HAHAHAHAHA. I actually laughed! Good for me!

From Chris S. (again)
" RESPECT! That's what it is!

I like to think I'm learning to be a feminist. In our culture, it's HARD not to be sexist, racist, and lots of other -ists. (Disablist?)

Anyway, learning to respect others is hard, and with our culture telling us women are objects and should fit some stupid mold is what makes it different. Women probalby respect other women more than men respect women. One of my favorite bumper stickers says, "Feminism is the radical idea that women are people." People deserve respect!

I respect you. That's why your CF doesn't matter to me. Anyone who gives you some bullshit answer about you CF getting in the way of friendship or more is full of, well, bullshit! ARG!

Okay, I should stop being pissed.

Maybe I'm different because I had a disease at one time. Maybe I see that anyone could suddenly die for no reason. Life is a roll of the dice, and avoiding someone because they think you might die (You might not! They don't know that you will! Nobody does!), is just stupid because ANYONE could up and die any moment.

It's like this episode of the X-Files. This guy could see the future, but he could never do anything about it, so he just sat around doing nothing because it was too depressing. These people who avoid you go around thinking they know what will happen, and they avoid those things. It's a false prognostication.

Okay, I must be in rant mode or something. Sorry!

I really care about you, and there are other people who do too. Part of that is respect. Part of that is your just awesome and fun. I wish more people would just let it be that way!"

These comments are the reason I keep going. Why I don't just curl up in bed and wait to die. These comments remind me who I am and keep living my life as I want to. I am reminded that people love me despite any "flaws" and I am strong and can do whatever I want.


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