Saturday, April 12, 2008

Realizations and Comments for the World

Depression is real. If you have ever doubted its existence you should see me. It's so fucking real.

Depression hurts. A terrible hurt that you can't make go away no matter what you do.

Sometimes, friends and family are the best things in the world - and that includes the internet family. They rocked my little world this morning, although everything made me cry.

Baby Steps. I just need Baby Steps. Watch What About Bob? if you have any doubts about that.

I like baby polar bears. They made me almost smile today - which is better than crying, so I plan on watching many a baby polar bear video in the next few days, weeks, months. However long it takes me to get better.

I really want to get better. I want to get over this depression more than I've ever wanted anything in the world. I want to be out having fun with my friends and not sitting at home crying and I want to be able to get out of bed and shower. Get out of bed and DO ANYTHING. I want to be able to get out of bed. Getting out of bed is so hard.

Baby Steps. I'll take Baby Steps. Too bad I have all this damn dance practice in the way of my baby stepping this week. Right. Damn showcase - and those of you who know me know that's NOT how I was about last semester's showcase - I'm a different person - a depressed person, and I don't like it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I do theater. I knew I was depressed and HAD to get help when I did a show and didn't enjoy it. Not just "didn't enjoy it"...I couldn't learn my lines, I was afraid to go on stage, I got off stage and couldn't remember what scene came next, And I left the theater never wanting to step on stage again. That's when I finally gave in and called a therapist. Now, therapy is not for me. It annoyed me. Pissed me off, really. My options became, keep doing this bullshit, or make up my mind to get over this. So, I got a scrip for a mild annti-depressant, made a huge list of what I wanted my life to look like and just started attacking it. That's not to say that depression wasn't real, or that it was something I could will away. IT is very real. Once it has you, that's it. For me, I just had to get fucking tired to being depressed. I had to kick myself in the ass. And, I had to work up a good a mount of hatred for that insipid therapist wiht her ugly red shoes.

You are able to state that you want to get better. That's a good step in the right direction. You didn't care one way or the other a few days ago.

You'll make it. Let me know if you need me to drive to Madison and kick you.


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