Okay, maybe this is because I have gotten less than three hours of sleep since Saturday morning, and for all of you who don't already know - I am the Sleep Queen, the Goddess of Sleep - Her Holiness the Sleepy.
And also there are about 2.5 people who might have any clue as to what the fuck I'm talking about, so let's keep this between us and the fine people on the internet, k? Thanks.
Last night I was told, "I want to marry you" and "I can't marry you because I don't want to be a single dad" in the span of a couple hours. By the same person.
Today we talked and he honestly doesn't want to or feels he can't deal with my CF - and there are so many things I'd like to say about this. The first being, yeah you get a choice don't you. I wasn't so lucky. (really had to restrain myself from using the naughty words to describe this kid, because besides this one giant character flaw, he's a good kid.) And I guess I'm not really mad at him, because no one knows what this is like - and he doesn't know how many times that has been the reason for either the failure to enter or the failure to stay in a relationship with me.
I'm just so mad that this has happened again.
I believe in giving everything and everyone a chance - mainly because I so desperately want one.
And once again my shit has fallen to pieces and I'm crying, again. I want to scream and throw things and kick the wall, but I won't. I need to go to bed. And maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.
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