Friday, May 2, 2008

Just so you know.

Just so you know, I'm not going to moderate comments until they get out of hand. All the responses to the negative comments make me smile.

Just so you know, I will have internet access in the hospital. (well I should. we'll see tomorrow).

Just so you know, I am not looking for sympathy. One of my favorite phrases is "If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary."

Just so you know, I am offended when you can't put aside one dance practice to help me GO TO THE HOSPITAL. Really? I know I'm still stuck on this issue, but seriously. How can I count on you if you can't help me get to the hospital because I'm sick.

Just so you know, I am sicker than you have ever been in your life, I can guarantee that. Except for my CF friends, no one will know this kind of sick. The stuff I am coughing up is BROWN. It is thicker than pudding. It's stuck in my lungs and it's hard for me to cough it out. I'm so sick I can't walk up a flight of stairs, and you ask me if we could change the time I check into the hospital??? I'm not trying to get "sympathy" here. I am just letting people know the facts. Every breath is hard for me. I'm not getting enough oxygen. Has this stopped me from doing any of the things I need to do? No.

Just so you know, I'm thinking that maybe you aren't the kind of person who will ever understand my disease. Maybe you aren't the kind of person who will watch a movie with me when I feel like crap. Maybe you won't offer to take my wheel chair with us when we go shopping. Maybe you won't drop everything to help me get admitted to the hospital. Maybe you won't offer to drive three hours from Eau Claire. Maybe you won't pack your bags and prepare to move in with me and push the doctors around. Maybe you aren't the person who will get so upset when the doctors make me cry that you storm to the nurses' station and demand to speak to the head of the hospital. And that's okay. I have all those people that will do those things for me - and I will count on them.

Just so you know, every time I go into the hospital or get a lung infection I am thinking, "maybe this is the time I won't get better." Because I have to. I have to be real and understand that there will be a point where I don't get better. I will get worse and eventually need oxygen and the transplant list. Hopefully it is not this time, but someday it will be. If you can't handle that, maybe we weren't meant to be friends.

Just so you know.

4 comments:

BreathinSteven said...

Just so you know...

I hope this isn't the time you don't get better -- and I do understand where you're coming from Carla...

It takes an incredibly special, and strong person to be a true friend to a CF person because they're going to watch every thing that you're talking about -- they're going to watch someone they love go through all of that...

And they're going to feel that there is nothing they can do about it -- nothing they can do to help you -- but they don't realize that just being there is an incredible help...

Hang in there buckaroo... I'm thinking about you...

Love,

Steve

Chris S. said...

Hey, you better get better before the wedding! That's an order! I'm going to dance with you even if I have to drag you to the reception in a hospital bed.

:D

Dancing65Roses said...

I'll be better before the wedding - I'll be getting out on the 17th or earlier... I have to be at the CF walk :-P

Anonymous said...

Carla- I haven't written any comments to your blog since last week. So i hope you don't think i've written anything negative on here lately.

~sarah b.

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