Thursday, May 8, 2008

Music and evening thinklings

Music is my life. I love to play the piano. I loved the clarinet - still would play it often if it didn't ruin my sinuses. I have listened to music my entire life. I spend my life on my computer, mostly with music playing. I always listen to music in my car - all kinds of music. I was raised with music and I have this strange ability to know all the lyrics to many, many songs.

It's a strange, strange talent. That's why shows like, "Don't forget the lyrics" are fun for me. I just know the lyrics.

Now here are the things that are running through my head:

*my social worker is amazing, and I'm so excited to be on the Patient Advisory Board here at the hospital, because of all the people on the board, I have the most experience with this hospital. I've been coming here since I was three years old. I'm also excited to work with him on the CF quality of life study this summer. Awesome.

*how do I deal with jealousy? I want to be happy for Boy and Girl because things are going well for them and he and I would never have worked (he didn't know the basic Beatles songs - and if you know me, you know I wouldn't be able to live with that). But I am jealous that she has someone - a nice someone to be supportive of her and I don't have that kind of relationship with anyone.

*this place is so screwed up. Last night I had to change my own bed linens - maybe I already wrote about this. And this morning, my nurse gave my med two hours late. RAR.

*I'm officially tired of being here. I'm bored. My dad is bringing Seinfeld to watch - and I have season two of the West Wing, and I have many movies I haven't watched, but I'm seriously bored.

*This makes me a mean person but I don't care. There are people here I can't stand. The annoying girl across the hall just wanders into my room DESPITE the sign on the door. I don't want to have to deal with her. All she does is complain. Yes, I complain a lot here in my blog, but in real life, I rarely have anything to complain about. I can hold normal conversations without complaining.

I can't stand the voices of two people here - one NA and one RT - and they only have one volume "REALLY FUCKING LOUD," so when they wake me up in the morning, it's not a pleasant way to wake up. I usually try to ignore them.

*When I'm here in the hospital sometimes I want to do what I want to do, and sometimes I just really want someone to be here and hold my hand or cuddle with me. My mom and I have been getting along really well -not fighting over what we spend our time doing, except around noon when all I wanted to do was sleep and Mom made me do my saline. So much coughing. So much coughing.

Sometimes when my phone rings I silence it because I don't feel like talking. It's not that I don't appreciate the love - I just want to sleep or be by myself sometimes. Visitors are actually a lot of work - which sounds silly, but they are. I have to talk and stay alert and figure out what to talk about. It's easier if we watch TV or a movie because then there's something to do without me being responsible for the entertainment.

*my brother can be the lamest person on the face of the earth. I told him that we leave for Europe in exactly a month, and then asked if he was excited. He replied, "yeah, sure." Silly boys.


Princess Talana said...

I heart the West Wing forever and ever and ever!

Matt Todd said...

They actually make you get up for a vest there? Does a RT person sit in the room while you do it? I've always gotten the RT people trained to just leave my nebs for me whatever time it is that they come, and then I'll do my vest on my own whenever i decided to get up. my schedule always ends up being about three hours behind theirs. I'm not a morning person and not a go to bed early person either. So doing it that way usually works out, i still get my vests done, just shifted a few hours from their schedule. I don't like being made to do a vest when i don't want to, that's a good way to get on my bad side. My personal biggest pet peeve about the hospital is the aides or the nurses that are constantly harping me for my blood sugar. I always tell them I do it myself, and i do it when i eat, when i have that information i will let you know. But some don't seem to get that and want constantly ask me. Sometimes i get to the point where i will just pull out the damn meter and do it right then just to shut them up. blahh, sometimes the hospital can be rather frustrating.

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